When It Feels Like All Is Lost

Our world has been messed up for a while. I'm 61 years old and I have never seen anything like the last 3 years. It's not a complaint, it's an observation.

I've never had much use for complaining. Complaining serves no one and does nothing of value. There is no value in complaining, yet so many of us do it.

We complain about the new guy or the last guy or the guy on the screen right now. Maybe it's cathartic or some such thing. Complaining can send you down a rabbit hole fast.

No, I see much more value in thinking, reflecting, and then proposing solutions.

So here I am thinking, reflecting, and proposing solutions

My targeted problem is the number of middle aged men struggling with life right now.

I have too many friends that are lost. They are in shitty marriages, drinking too much, wasting away at jobs they hate...wearing golden handcuffs and some seem to have almost given up.

What's the future look like for you when you're 40 lbs overweight, swallowing multiple prescription drugs, wearing a machine that looks like a gas mask to bed every night and then trudging off to a job that sucks the life out of you?

The kids are either gone or are leaving soon and the chasm that creates is crushing. WTF do I do now? Who is this woman who is now the sole focus of my attention?

I know it sounds dire and bleak and foreboding.

It is...but only if you accept it as being beyond your control

It's not

My middle age brought a series of gut punches. A devastating divorce, financial loss, the loss of loved ones and a forced sale of my company (which I loved)

Get in line right?

What did I do?

The night I was escorted out of my home by the local police based on a completely fabricated domestic violence claim (One of three filed the afternoon of the same morning I served her papers), I went to the liquor store and bought a bottle of Irish whiskey, checked in to a shitty hotel and drank myself to sleep crying and petrified.

Not the best choice, admittedly, but my choice nonetheless

I woke up the next morning and after throwing up I felt like I needed to begin to peel back this onion and see what I was facing. When you've never filed for divorce or been served a domestic violence injunction before, it's scary as f*%k

After discovering I could not speak to or be within 500 feet of my three kids until the trial (6 weeks away), I knew I had a hard road ahead. But a voice inside me was saying "don't let this kill you", "don't let this change you", "don't become a bitter old man", "what's in the best interests of your kids"

That last one was huge, "what is best for my awesome kids?"

When you are kicked in the nuts by life...and you either have been already or it's coming soon...you have options. Everything you do is a choice.

You can fall down crying and stay down

Or you can get up

Luckily that same voice in my head said "get your ass up"

I chose not to lie down. I had no f*&king idea what to do, but I knew it was my choice...so I started thinking, reflecting and searching for solutions

Was I going to drink myself into a world of promiscuity and bad habits?

Or was I going to make better choices?

I went looking for a church and a yoga studio that resonated with me. And I uplifted my diet and exercise routines

7 years later I signed the final documents. I had no money left and sole custody of my kids. I'll take it

My kids and I went on a wild ride together and I'm happy to report we are all healthy and happy.

One of the things I did during this time was sit down with each of them and help them find work after school and then start their own businesses. In this work I discovered, from their feedback that I had a very unique set of skills and that I should figure out how to get those skills and experience in front of as many other people as I could

I had spent my entire life teaching people how to find better work and make more money. I had built and sold two multimillion dollar companies. I had been a multimillionaire and I had lost everything (financially)

I had raised two adult daughters (and a wonderful son) who taught me how to listen better than most middle aged men and in turn had become a very empathetic listener.

Sometimes other people need to remind you. Sometimes you lose sight of your strengths and skills (especially when you get kicked in the nuts)

"Your superpower is clearly evident & reflected in your lovely children!! They are amazing... intelligent , independent , kind, excellent communicators , entrepreneurs and stable! That doesn't just happen. My personal experience of you... humble, willing to be taught, kind, empathetic , kindly secure in your beliefs when conversing even when they conflict with mine, and easy to talk to."

JMS

"Your advice goes beyond just career. Your experience as a single parent makes you value the whole human experience in a much different way than most men, and it allows your advice to be more comprehensive. You realize the balance of faith, family and vocation."

AG

I have been seeking out the advice and opinions of colleagues and other friends over the last few months trying to figure out how to organize, distill and present my gifts to others so that they may be guided by my knowledge and experience and maybe not have to go through as much pain as they might otherwise have to.

I cannot, nor can anyone else protect you from life. Life will come at you today and it will continue to come at you each day forward

You can however seek the advice and counsel of others. You can seek and find others who have either experienced similar hardship and or the success of having gone where you desperately want to go.

You don't need to go it alone, and for all the middle aged men out there, talking about this shit doesn't make you a wimp. Whining and doing nothing about it makes you a wimp

So if you find yourself with swollen nuts or you know someone with swollen nuts, reach out.

I'm going to continue to organize and distill my thoughts before sharing them in the form of books, courses and videos, but they're coming. I don't know exactly what it will look like, but I'm working on it.

In the meantime, if you need help send me a message. We can connect and work together, or simply exchange stories and advice

I got some GOOD stories:)

Peace

Mark

#middleagedmen #professionaldevelopment #careeradvice #personaldeveloment