When fear subsides

18 months ago I stepped off a kerb while out walking and a car came hurtling around the corner towards me. I’d been off work for a while, recovering from long term, excessive work related stress. As I stepped off that kerb and saw that car, I felt a very uncomfortable, but familiar, feeling in my body. Adrenalin spike! Cortisol! Stress! I recognised how awful it felt.

Talking to a wonderful Doctor a few weeks later, I recalled this event. His response surprised me - ‘FANTASTIC!’ Why? Because my body had stopped feeling like that ALL THE TIME, meaning I now noticed it, as well as how bad it felt for me. Great reframe Dr, but it made sense.

Now, the fear that constantly high levels of adrenalin creates has subsided. That doesn’t mean I never feel fear. It comes up like a normal human emotion - in relation to something specific, something I can know and understand, and deal with.

When your body is flooded with it all the time, you cannot rest. Your mind keeps whirring, even at night. It’s searching for solutions to keep you safe. Even when you are safely lying in bed, in your home next to someone that loves you. You ARE safe, but your mind and body cannot feel it - they cannot rest because chemically, it isn’t safe.

That’s the effect of stress. And we know, over a long time, it can seriously damage your health. On some level, I knew that I was heading for a heart attack if I carried on the way I was. I knew it, but I couldn’t see a way to stop or change it. Thank goodness I had support to call that out.

Today, because that chronic stress has gone, things that would have provoked fear or stress now feel joyful. The SAME THINGS. The THINGS haven’t changed. I’ve changed.

This morning, I am off into London and will be public speaking. I still have that slightly jittery feeling, but now I know that’s just a bodily sensation, and that it’s the same whether it’s fear or excitement. I get to choose, by taking the time to unlearn and relearn thinking habits (creating new neural pathways), I can look clearly at the situation and decide to be excited. 2 years ago, I had no choice. I was engulfed in fear. It dictated every decision, thought, mood and action.

That’s what rest and personal development can do for you. If something is stressing you, you know. Although, like me, you may not know how much - until it’s gone. Like the feeling of that car hurtling towards me. It wasn’t normal anymore, so I felt it and I didn’t like it. We’re not meant to like it. It’s meant to be a short snap to get us into action, enough to get out of the way of that car.

I couldn’t have done it alone. I’d read all the books, listened to all the podcasts. Intellectually, I got it. To change it, I needed support. A coach to challenge my thinking. Now that’s what I do for others. It’s a gift - to do that as a job, and a gift to the people that receive that support because I know they can experience as much change and joy as I have!

I’m alive. I’m joyful. I see how I am different to the people waiting for their train alongside me. I feel shiny. I never thought this was possible.

Come alive again.

I can guide you!

Let’s talk.