When families are at their most vulnerable Dawn and her team are there

“We only have one opportunity to get things right for the family,” Dawn Traer, Bereavement Services Manager says. Dawn, who has been in charge of Bereavement Services at QA Hospital since 2002, knows that she and her staff meet families at their most vulnerable and when their feelings of grief are at their highest.

After a family loses their loved one, they must make an appointment with Dawn or one of the members of her team.  “Our role is to ask in an empathetic way some of the most difficult questions they will ever be asked. Do they want their loved ones to have a burial or do they want them cremated?  We also make sure they know what will happen when they go to the Register Office in Portsmouth to apply for a Death Certificate.  We partner with the Register Office to try to make sure that families can have appointments back-to-back, or at least on the same day, so families are not faced with more stress than what they already have to deal with.” 

Dawn and her team (which is comprised of one full time and two part-time staff) have undertaken all sorts of training, over the years, such as visits to crematoria, cemeteries, register office and funeral directors. In addition they are required to learn and understand the various laws and regulations surrounding death certification, cremations, burials and especially coronial regulations. Dawn has a bereavement diploma which centred particularly around the various stages of grief, but above all she tells me “having excellent communication and listening skills and a really good team” is of great importance when dealing with grieving families.  “Language is also really important,” Dawn notes.  “We talk about the person who has died. We never use the words ‘passed away’ or ‘lost”. Experience teaches us that being “open and honest” about what has happened can benefit the grieving process. Death is final, but how can we now remember the person is often what relatives start to think about.

Although Dawn points out that the Bereavement service does not offer counselling, if they notice a family member who is spiralling into a depression, they work with chaplains and also suggest the family member may like to make an appointment to see their GP, where expect advice can be sought.   

Although all families receive the same kind of attentive service, Dawn admits that her team does struggle at times when dealing with the death of babies. “I have at times gone up to the ward and talked to a mum holding her deceased baby—many of my team have. We do whatever we can to help the parents. We offer clear advice and information about funeral choices and hopefully make things as easy for them as possible under the circumstances.” We also answer any questions in an “open and honest” way. Depending on the funeral option chosen, working in partnership with the chaplains, we also help co-ordinate either a cremation or burial using the hospital’s contracted funeral director.

Although Dawn notes that it is important that her staff not get “too emotionally involved,” there are times when she admits the job can be quite draining. “We have a rule in my department that if someone says they need to take ten minutes or have a quick break we never ask questions. We all understand.” 

Dawn admits that she often takes her work home with her. “It’s important to have outlets.  I go to the gym and spend time with my own family, including my first grandchild”.

Despite the obvious stresses of her job, Dawn feels fortunate to do the work she does. “I know I make a difference in people’s lives. I have a family who always comes to see me on the anniversary of their daughter’s death to let me know how they are getting on. They now have a new child and that is wonderful.”