When face to face isn’t what you think

Life moves fast, especially when it’s being chased by something threatening. It’s a strange feeling when entire societies voluntarily shut themselves down to lower the odds of infection from a virus. It so rarely occurs that no one really knows how to play this out and how long we’ll need to stick to it.

During periods of uncertainty, it’s helpful for me to think of things about which I feel grateful:

• My wife returned from an international trip just a couple days before the borders were clamped shut and airlines canceled their schedules.
• I work for a massive company in high tech and while it is not insulated from the uproar (nothing really is), it’s not in the high risk category at this point. That said, I am not na?ve. I know this could change and my job could be at risk but I am focused on the good and continue to want to do my best while I can.
• I work from home full-time so the effect of the pandemic lockdown on the rhythm of what I do day to day is zero. My colleagues all understand how to work from home too and I’m sure, for some of them, having their children with them 24 hours a day is disruptive. But our meetings continue to be lively, stimulating, and productive nevertheless.
• I cannot travel anymore for work because of the situation and that means I can spend all my time with my wife and our dog.
• We have ample provisions and while there are some things missing from grocery stores, since we live in the very heart of the city we are still surrounded by plenitude.
• My wife is an excellent, inventive cook who is focused on nutrition.
• I miss the gym but I’m experienced enough after a lifetime of fitness that I can easily improvise exercises (we’re in a condo building and nothing beats running 15 flights of stairs for cardio, and a gallon jug of laundry soap is a decent substitute for hand weights).
• Social technologies, despite the often well-deserved scorn heaped on them up to this point, have been lifesavers by providing a fabric for conversation and general connectedness. They have become truly indispensable.
• Our circle of friends are chatty as always but we’re even more so now. That extra energy is due, of course, to the pandemic and because we want to support each other. So let me expand on this particular point of gratefulness by describing what we did last night.

We had a dinner party

No, we didn’t violate any quarantine rules. We held it over Zoom.

We usually see our friends about every three weeks and so the quarantine has disrupted that cadence. WhatsApp group chats and texting are a bit in overdrive now - frenetic, hilarious, disjointed, random, educational, and supportive, on a daily basis. But while our online communications continues unimpeded, we thought it would be good to actually see each other after about 3 weeks of not. That’s when I thought of Zoom.

It worked well and while it can’t replicate the experience it was kind of like we were at a restaurant.

• We started at 7:30
• We toasted to our health (as we do)
• We had appetizers, main course, and then dessert
• We had wine all evening
• We said goodnight at 10:20

But it wasn’t a restaurant. There were no servers, no check, no Uber, no walking home, no going anywhere but to the next room.

But we accomplished something important - we saw each other and shared a meal. We talked and laughed. We told our stories of how we’re coping, what we’re learning on a daily (hourly!) basis, and how we imagine the future will look for communities, for our cities, countries, and the world.

Are there lessons or ideas from last night that I could transfer to my business life?

No. You know why? I don’t think there’s a difference anymore. I’ve never really understood the expression that people escape to when tragedy strikes, that it makes them think of what really matters in life (usually, they mean family). And of course family and friends are the core of people’s lives, but I think the pandemic is showing that everything is intertwined. The security of family members, of food, of household supplies, of jobs and how all those others are reliant on that one. Of government policy and responses, personal and societal hygiene. Everything is interdependent.

So my lesson from this quarantine and from spending time with close friends over dinner is that while the virus is attacking individuals, it’s attacking too our collective well-being. In addressing it head-on, there is no better strategy than embracing the notion that we’re all in it together. Make time and make the arrangements to have dinner with people who are close to you.

This could go on for a very long time. Let’s figure out how to carry on.