When Everything is Taken

Today's Tool: Forgiveness

Sadness and Anger

You never forget a mother’s scream when she loses a child.

Especially when it is your own mother.

I vividly remember the sound of my mom crying the day my brother took his life.

From the moment I got the news until I walked into the house, I was confused, in disbelief, and apathetic.

When reality set in, I was devastated.

I can’t describe the sadness I felt.

But that day, another emotion took hold and took me by surprise.

I was angry.

“Why would Austin do something like that to our family?”

“How could he do this to our mom?”

For months, I was angry.

Then, I went to Alaska on a school trip.

We spent an hour every morning by ourselves outside in nature.

Our advisors would give us various prompts to think or write about.

On one of the last days, they told us to write a letter to someone.

Sitting on a rocky riverside, looking out to great mountains on the horizon, I wrote a letter to Austin.

A letter forgiving him.

Tears dripped onto the page, smearing my pen as I cried writing the letter.

Tears of sadness, tears of love, and tears of relief.

I am now grateful for the time I had with Austin and the life he lived because I let go of anger and chose forgiveness.

Forgiveness vs. Anger

Gary Weinstein is a fellow Michigander.

In 2005, his wife and two sons were killed in a car accident when a drunk driver crashed into them.

This drunk driver was 5 times over the legal alcohol limit at 3:30 pm.

If there was ever someone who had the right to be angry, Gary would be that person.

But Gary is not that kind of person.

In 2006, in court, Gary publicly forgave the drunk driver who killed his wife and children.

“When I saw that someone was 5 times over the legal limit at 3:30 in the afternoon, I knew that someone very sick had caused this crash.”

Today, Gary uses his story to spread the message of forgiveness.

According to Gary, the hardest thing to do is forgive yourself if you blame yourself for your circumstances.

Forgiveness was Gary's most useful and powerful tool.

Apathy and Anger

When it comes to men’s mental health, anger is a central topic.

According to the CDC, the top two feelings men believe are socially acceptable to portray are anger or apathy.

This gets complicated because anger has its place.

Men are more aggressive by nature due to the added testosterone compared to their female counterparts.

Anger elevates the body.

It spikes our adrenaline and motivates us towards action.

Like the bodybuilder who gets a chalky smack on the back before winning an olympic deadlift

Other times, however, anger motivates us to actions we later regret.

And to make matters worse, we will get angry about choices we regret…

The feeling of anger can lead us to spiral out of control.

Anger and Forgiveness

There are many more feelings and experiences outside of anger.

Love, joy, and peace to be had.

Often these feelings are blocked by the anger in our life.

The path to freedom…

Finding forgiveness.

Whether a public statement or a private letter, there are many ways to practice forgiveness.

If you struggle with anger, who do you need to forgive?

Do you need to forgive yourself?

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If someone came to mind while you read this, share it with them. You may be able to help someone who is struggling, or at the very least plant a seed for down the road.

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Thank you for joining me on this journey.

Sincerely,

Ethan