When is enough enough?

Is it giving up if I let it go? Or if I let it go, is that giving up?

I fight the good fights - where I see endless possibilities and believe that I can impact and change situations I really am like a dog with a bone. The challenge and vision energizes me, but some battles can't be won, so for somebody who tells themselves they're no quitter, when is enough, enough?

My moral compass is strong, and for me, enough is enough, when my values are not just challenged (that's healthy), but when they are jumped up and down on (that's not healthy).

Integrity

Passion

Loyalty

Honesty

Curiosity

My values play out in the form of:

• Making a difference
• Having tough conversations
• Keeping promises
• Being accountable
• Being a good person
• Asking 'why'
• And showing respect and tolerance

Giving in or giving up have been wrapped up with the fact that I am "persistent, resilient and that I care" - blah blah! So yes, I have put up with poor behaviours and made excuses for people like, 'they were just stressed' and at times I have also internalised some of the stuff around me and subsequently questioned myself. When I feel drained, frustrated, angry, lost, when I start to disconnect... they are reminders to me that something is off kilter.

Your mouth is for talking and your feet are for walking.

Walking away is often seen as giving in or giving up, like it's a negative thing. However, if you truly feel like you have given your all, and you're at the point where your values, wellbeing, self worth are taking a knock, the best thing for you is to let go. Despite the words we may use, this isn't about giving in or giving up.

The words we use matter...

• Giving in = You're submitting to pressure and are going to stop fighting. You're selling yourself short, fear and struggle have made you crumble. You're giving way.
• Giving up = You feel like you're failing, you've lost all belief so you're going to stop trying to fix it and quit. Rooted in regret, you'll always wonder what could've been.
• It is what it is = A frustrating situation which you feel cannot be changed and must be accepted.
• Letting go = You're freeing yourself from something which no longer serves a purpose to you. It's liberating releasing something which doesn't work anymore, you're choosing your battles and looking after your own needs.

Letting go is hard so we often repress in order to forget and in the process we devalue our own emotions. But clearly, letting go is the utopia, it allows us to move forward before negative emotions manifest in ways you don't expect such as projecting anger onto others, emotional instability, dissatisfaction, stress and disconnection. When we observe, rather than react, we take our power back.

When is enough enough? Ask yourself a few key questions:

• How does the situation fit with my values?
• What matters most?
• Why am I doing it?
• Who am I doing it for?
• Am I willing to fight for it?
• Am I willing to sacrifice for it?
• Am I willing to pay for it?
• Am I willing to spend time on it?

Feeling misunderstood is a fairly regular occurrence for me (have a read of my previous blog 'Misfit. Trouble Maker. Rebel?'). When you're a rebel, with a strong moral compass, well, you can imagine, and then, throw in the fact that I am a gay woman, young(ish) and my northern dulcet tones and there's then lots of unconscious bias I find myself on the end of too. I'm not looking for sympathy here but can you hear the violin?

Jokes aside, I'd rather be misunderstood or feel like a misfit and be my true authentic self.

Why do you do what you do? What are you going to let go of?

“In the process of letting go you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself. “— Deepak Chopra

Keep smiling,

SFJ.