When Enough Really is Enough

Some years ago, my husband and I spent a few days in New York City with friends.? By the time we checked into our hotel it was early evening, so we hurriedly got cleaned up and headed out into the twilight to explore the city.? We couldn’t wait to get started.

?The? twilight turned out to be torrential downpours and wind.? Within minutes our umbrellas were turned inside out and had flown away to wherever it is that wayward umbrellas fly to, and we were all soaked to our skin.?? There was a brief respite when we ducked into a diner to have dinner, leaving puddles in our wake, but then it was back outside, barely able to see where we were going.? Despite the wind and the pouring rain, nobody was willing to call it quits on our first night in NYC.?

?The moment came to me when we were crossing a street.? When I stepped off the curb, the water rushing by was so deep one of my shoes almost floated away.? Safe on the other side of the street, I pulled the group together and announced I was going back to the hotel.? I told them, at this point, we were not sightseers – we couldn’t actually see anything – we were just idiots slogging through the rain.

?I would like to tell you that the rest of the trip was sunny, but that would be a lie.? It rained the entire time.? We still had fun, we just to adjust our plans.? I came to learn after a few more trips with these same friends that rain follows them.? We have never gone anywhere with them where it did not rain at least part of every day.? C’est la vie.

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?I have always been a more or less responsible person in the sense that I would never even think of quitting a job unless I already had another one lined up, and I would give lots of notice.? Generally, I would not say what maybe I really wanted to in an exit interview because, why burn bridges, and you never know – you might need this person or company for a reference one day.? ?There were certain rules around this social construct, and I followed them. ?

?And then I took THAT job.??

?I hadn’t been miserable in my previous job but had felt a need to spread my wings a bit, so when I saw the job placement ad, I got so excited.? On paper, it was my dream job.? I applied, interviewed, and couldn’t stop counting my blessings when I got the offer.?

?It only took me a day or so to realize that things were definitely not what they should be.? I had inadvertently stepped into the middle of a massive feud between the two Owners of the company.?? It turned out that most of what I had been told in my interview was a lie.? One of the partners didn’t know I’d been hired until I showed up.??? I was told not to put my purse down because I wouldn’t be staying that long.? The sheer ugliness of the situation had me in shock for the first few days as I tried to figure out what was happening.?

?Then, I got angry.?

?Good, bad or otherwise, I came to the decision that if they thought they could get me to quit, they clearly didn’t know me.? I had left a perfectly good job for this one and I wasn’t going anywhere!

I stayed there for several months.? Six to be exact. ?Looking back, it seems ridiculous. ?One partner trying to get rid of me, and the other mostly absent.? ?In many respects it became like a weird game of cat and mouse.?

?During that time, I showed up every day.? I did my job well.? I got along fine with all of my reports.? Also, ?during that time, I was bullied, intimidated, insulted, slandered and alternately ignored by the Partners.?

?While I was living it, I don’t think I really realized how much stress I was under and how toxic that level of anger is over time.?

?Six months.

?My shoe floating moment came one day when one of the Partners came in and just started screaming at everyone in the room.? Turning purple, and so incoherent that no one could tell what it was even all about, I suddenly saw it all very clearly.?

?I was just an idiot slogging through the rain.?

?I finished what I was doing.? Then I got up, picked up my things and walked out the door.

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It took me a little while to get my bearings again.? I had lost sight over time of just how dysfunctional the whole situation was and didn’t fully appreciate it until I was free of it.?

?It can be hard to leave a situation that you know is not good for you because the alternative is scary, or because you are staying for the wrong reasons and can no longer see the forest for the trees.? But sometimes, enough is just enough and you need to make yourself go.?

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