When is enough, enough?

When is enough, enough? At what point do we stop chasing success, material wealth, external goals..happiness..? At what point do you stop and consider your motivations and if, in fact, the external success is even delivering on the promise of happiness?

We all know that bright shiny objects don’t bring long-lasting joy. Or do we??

We all know that happiness is the journey, not the destination. Or do we, really?

If we claim to know these things, to have this level of awareness, why are we still living at a runners-pace, accumulating more, dreaming bigger..?

There is one thing to know something. It’s completely another to Really know something - in your heart, bones, soul, to understand a truth.?In the first example here we simply have an intellectual understanding of a truth. In the second we know, experientially know, deep down in our being a truth. It’s likely we’ve had experiences that have taught us a lesson to trigger this deeper knowing.

Complex childhood trauma- that’s it. That’s why we feel some degree of “not enoughness” of our innate sense of self-worth as not being sufficient. Complex childhood trauma can be a series of seemingly innocuous experiences of our core emotional needs not being met in early childhood. Nasty comments by a primary caregiver or bullying can leave a permanent mark on the psyche of a child, who then becomes an adult, still deeply wounded (despite external appearances). Consciously or subconsciously we push, drive, endlessly seek to win, source validation or prove a level of success. The behaviours become habitual and then essentially aspects of our character.

To purse success, dream big and push oneself can be both helpful or unhelpful character aspects. They are certainly helpful to attaining external success. The degree to which they affect happiness, or in fact unhappiness, is where the question lies.?

Only you, or perhaps your psychotherapist ;-), knows whether you’re truly happy.

I know for me, it can change day to day. Life ebbs and flow. As a seasoned meditator and follower of buddhist philosophy I’d like to say that external circumstances don’t overly affect my internal state, but that would be a bold lie haha. As an empath especially, my emotions are sensitive to the world. I will say though, that overall I’m insanely grateful for my life and in this period I’m very happy.

This article was prompted by a catch-up conversation with a client from my corporate years that I have known now for over ten years. When we worked together 10 years ago she had no idea I was battling alcoholism (at the time I was a relapsing morning drinker). We were talking about our life circumstances and reflecting on the decisions we’d both made. The conversation on our personal drive and individual successes, begged the question “When is it enough?”.

One thing I do know for certain, is that when that not-enoughness drove me to alcoholism, and when it pops up again in obsessive behaviour (like workaholism), I know, deep-down in my core, that I need to address it. That the happiness I’m wearing is a mask and deep unhappiness is to follow should I not choose to invest in further healing.?

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