When Emotions Feel Bigger Than You

I remember that I hid being a #workingparent so well. Even when I was struggling, over-functioning, and trying to do as much as I could in every aspect of life only yearning to be seen, appreciated, and with a feeling like I was doing enough.

I felt like my anxiety and depression were quite literally walking around outside of me. They were bigger than me, winning every day and I didn’t have space for those big raw emotions as a #workingparent .

I felt like if I were to deliver all the shades of my emotions and pain, I needed to pack it up in a well-configured box for whatever human would receive it. As a recovering people pleaser, I thought what I was going through was too much. A burden and I should know how to figure this out.

You know what... life isn’t like that. Pleasing, suppressing your emotions, and not tending to your needs. I knew I had a large capacity for every other single person's needs, a huge heart, and enormous empathy, but it didn't stop me from doing the same things. But it left me depleted and at risk for perpetual #burnout .

I know I’m not the only one who does this because my clients face similar encounters in their personal and professional lives.

We try to do more and more on limited resources and support. When you finally realize this, enter a huge compassionate hug for yourself.?

You start to peel back that layer of over-function, pleasing, guilt, and giver personas. And you let it be in the room. You sit with it but not for too long and you begin to find ways to shift into “the thing” that will serve you better.

The radical value of yourself outweighs the productivity hamster wheel.

They are small moments. Tiny decisions. And incremental. Not sweeping large changes. It’s quietly implanting ways to create a life that aligns with your values and not fight or flight mode.

It’s letting it come in. Letting support, help, resources, and delegation become your friend.

And finding your path and formula with a daily barometer check on how this serves up the larger vision of your overall well-being and lifestyle.

I know that sounds like a *HUGE* gulp, but that first mindset shift to choose yourself first is when your mind and body begin to heal. Then your body knows recovery is coming.

In the early stages of my recovery with this, it felt hard and like a whole lot of growth. I had to take baby steps to learn how to tune into myself. Meet my own needs and adjust my day and life to start to think about ways I was going to 'fill myself' up before my kids and spouse. It had to begin in a radical measure because I was so #burnedout emotionally, physically, and spiritually that this was the course of action that needed to happen with gentleness and ease.

One of the conversations I had with my spouse was about how much I was going to say "no" to for my own recovery. For family members it probably looked like drastic measures, but it was a necessary step to create space and downtime. I started to decline things to take care of my emotional wellbeing and create some pockets of space for me to heal.

I then began to cultivate people around me that would help me with my #burnoutrecovery plan. They may not even have known they were a part of my inner circle but this was how I was going to rebuild from the inside out. It was would over the next months and year that I would begin tending to my mental, emotional, physical, and spirtual needs. So this may be the story I had from the time my babies were infants to just a few years ago, but I'm sure there is a variation or two that sits with many #workingparents . When your emotions feel bigger than you, it takes courage to speak about it and take steps to cope. Our current work lives don't invite the vulnerability of being a parent with a strategic plan that makes you 'feel good'. Left to our own devices, this can be an isolated journey.

What you need to know about your well-being and the parenting journey is that you're in it for the long haul. Sometimes you have to shift your career and elements of your life to create more healthy choices for you and your family. It's a choice so burnout doesn't take over your family unit. When parents are doing well emotionally, their kids thrive. When stress and overwhelm stay around for too long, it affects the whole family.

I believe?#workingparents ?need support to get there. They need to be seen. Sometimes the model wasn't there. No judgment.??

And this generation is grappling with the change. We are doing it. We are living it.??So if you're in the throes of scrappy and messy self-care, I'm with you.??

You are seen and you are never alone.?

For more coaching tips, support, and community, I invite you to join me?here ?on this motherhood journey.?