When they are at the 'driving age'
So your child is in their senior year – the year of many milestones. In addition to all the other responsibilities they take on this year, many are planning to obtain their driver’s licence, so they can get the freedom of moving from A to B without bothering their parents or taking the bus. But before parents even think of placing the L sign on their car, I’d encourage them to consider a few things.
Let them
Research I did in 2012 found that some parents hold their child back from getting their licence because they fear it is dangerous and their child is not mature enough. You must make sure that they are responsible enough by this age so they can do what is age appropriate. That might be giving them a few more responsibilities in the years before to teach them maturity. Them doing chores and part time or volunteer work will help.
Make them want to
Another thing to do in the years before is stop being their chauffeur by driving them everywhere. Instead, have them occasionally walk or take public transport so they are motivated to put in the work to get the convenience of driving. At the very least, you should be asking them for ‘payment’ when you drive them anywhere. So, if they ask you to take them to their friend’s place, reply with ‘Sure I can do that, but can you please bring in the washing now and tidy up the lounge room a little first.’ Make sure they ask you respectfully for the lift, also.
Make a plan
100 hours of logged supervised driving is an essential but onerous task – particularly as they are trying to achieve this in an already busy year. Make a plan that maps out how they are going to get those hours. You might need to schedule regular Sunday drives or plan time in the school holidays. Include the mandatory ten hours of night driving and ensure they also get experience at driving in non-perfect conditions such as rainy days and nights.
You do them a favour
Only agree to supervising them if they are broadly polite and show appreciation for your assistance and time. This is something nice you are doing for them and they shouldn’t be demanding time driving the car.
Technically they should be contributing also to the maintenance of the car. At least, they should be washing it a little more and keeping it clean. This will be particularly important when they get their licence and start borrowing it.
Don’t buy them a car
When they get their licence hold back from gifting them a car. The current trend of parents giving their old car to their child or buying them a small run-about may be done with good intentions, but you take away your child’s opportunity to feel proud from doing the work to buy themselves a car. Even if you justify it by deliberately choosing a very safe car, they should, at least, be doing extra work for you to earn the car you are gifting them. And, of course, make them earn the money for their petrol. Them using the car should not literally be a free ride for them.
It is an arduous task to get a licence (and just as tricky for parents), but the day they can pick you up from work or drop you at the party will make it all worth it.
Takeaway for parents
The driving years a long way off? You can still be starting them off the right way.
· Start talking to them about road rules you are following when you are driving.
· Teach them to be considerate drivers. Start to explain to them what you are doing and why you are doing it. ‘I’m slowing down to give the person merging ahead of us some space to be able to get in this lane safely. It is a courteous thing to do and it helps the flow of traffic.’
· Instil good habits with phones and cars now. Ideally no one should be scrolling through the phone as someone is driving, to ensure that realise that no call or text needs to be actioned immediately when in the car.
? Judith Locke
This column appeared in the Sunday Mail on 14.03.21. Subscribe to the Courier Mail to get access to my column every week. Find more sensible parenting advice in my book, The Bonsai Child: Why modern parenting limits children and practical strategies to turn it around or, my latest book, The Bonsai Student: Why Modern parenting limits children’s potential and practical strategies to turn it around or have me come to your school to talk to parents and teachers about enhancing child resilience and wellbeing. Contact me here.