When the Drive Feels Gone
tl;dr: Lack of motivation might actually be a good thing. Possibly
I don’t know if it’s a Covid induced hangover, but I’ve been feeling lethargic for a while.
Lethargic is probably not the right word, since it’s not like I sit around all day in bed binge-watching Netflix.
I exercise, I blog, I read, I go to work, I pay the bills, I hang out with my kids, compare notes with my wife, check in with family and call my friends.
But, the other day, when someone asked me “what is it that Jeremy wants?” I didn’t really have an answer.
My grandfather used to say, after he came back from World War II, that “every day is a bonus day.”
Now, I haven’t flown in a bomber while being shellacked by Japanese anti-aircraft weapons, but given all we’ve been through as a global society recently, I no longer take “the future” for granted.
I try to take the present for what it is.
So my answer to my friend was “What I want is to just appreciate each moment as much as I can and not get overly caught up with what needs to happen in the future.”
I realize this is counter to the human spirit in some ways.
And the fact that I am feeling this makes me feel worse.
And yet….the lotus only thrives in the mud.
Covid+Economy+Racial Justice is a perfect storm
It is impacting all of our lives. These big 3 (and others) are murkying up the waters for all of us.
We don’t have clarity, we don’t have transparency, and we can’t see very far ahead of us.
There are plenty of reasons to throw our hands up. Maybe I’m the only one who feels a bit stuck in the mud, but I doubt it.
But time, the 4th dimension, moves on. These feelings are what they are and they’re probably understandable.
The challenge, as we look ahead to the US Presidential election and all of the other things that might make us feel even “muddier,” is to remember that recognizing these changes is one thing.
Seizing the day is another.
Too much lethargy or navel-gazing means we’ll miss things.
The people of Qi have a saying –
“A man may have wisdom and discernment, but that is not like embracing the favourable opportunity. A man may have instruments of husbandry, but that is not like waiting for the farming seasons.” Mencius
Sometimes, the thing to do is wait and be patient.
It’s really not easy being in park, but that doesn’t mean we all need to be in Drive.
The challenge is getting comfortable with that when you’ve spent most of your life there without really thinking about it.