When the dream stops flowing but creates a new one...

So it’s taken some time and much effort to write this. 

From a lounge and dining room, two Macs and a dream I set off on an adventure, no clients, no money and a week old baby boy. indigoRiver was born. I remember our first job, a reprint of some letterheads. It was a job that started it all. I made ￡50 out of it. I still have a copy of the cheque. Hours and days of pitching, working 48 hour shifts none stop, and driving yourself into the ground. Self belief, determination, learning to live with disappointment and not winning. The highs and lows of pitching. The moments you ask why and still go on. The idea of having no money for so long to see a dream come true. And the idea that working for yourself and building an agency was one that was never going to go away. And there were some very, very tough moments that could have finished us off over the years. 

Recently there have been weeks and days leading to this moment that have tested the very best in me. All those sleepless nights, one after the other just kept coming, fears increased night after night.

The nights sat alone wondering what was ahead, what new fear would test me next and bring me down. Those fears would come true, those fears would shape my decisions but unknowingly move me forward. 

A time when I’m also being challenged by life’s own destructive ups and downs I realise that I’m being tested to see how far I can be pushed. And even the strongest parts of me at times wanted to run. I’m not ashamed for the first time ever to say I wanted to run. I wasn’t ok. But I never gave up and forgave myself for my mistakes. Just believing that a better day will follow was enough to keep me going.

They say surround yourself with special and talented people. I did that for 11 years and those people have made me what I am today. I never took a day for granted in life or business and as I sit here now I don’t regret a single thing. Those people, my friends who I worked alongside for all those years formed my backbone, my strength and my heartbeat for what I did each and every day. The clients, customers and friends who have supported indigo for all that time. It’s been an honour. It’s been on occasions emotional, and with every project that came and went it arrived at our door with gratitude. Those projects came knowing that the next day another may not follow but we never gave up. We marched on. Nothing was taken for granted. Year after year we have done all we can and for the moments that left me broken they made me stronger. And the moments we laughed and cried will define what we do next.

The staff that have had careers carved out by what I set up were some of my proudest moments. And seeing them go on to bigger and better will be memories I’ll cherish forever. 

Here we are, all of us in some way affected by the thing that has lead up to this day and I never thought for one moment that I’d lose something that I built from scratch 11 years ago after fighting so hard. Sometimes, things are greater than you and this one beat me. And now, after the dust settles and realising that I’m totally grateful for all I have around me, I’ll go to bed tonight and say to myself this; That no one will fight as hard as I have for what I believe in. That it was ok to not be ok for a while and rise above the fear and tears and fight back. You did it Damian. You did it how you wanted to and made it a moment in time that I’ll look back on fondly.

So whatever your thoughts on COVID and lockdown I know only this, some are left to fight on, others were not so lucky in business and more importantly in life. 

Recognise what we have and make the moments count.

So as I closed the door on the agency for the last time that I’ve dreamed of owning and loving for so long I say this to you; whatever we fear, whatever we are faced with that giving up isn’t an option. With my little boy by my side and tears in my eyes he said to me “we will be ok dad, we will be ok”. And those are the moments that after everything make you realise that things are worth fighting for even at your lowest times. 

Thank you to all the people, clients, staff, suppliers and friends of indigo. It’s been a real pleasure. And for the moments you gave us I’ll never forget the journey. 

Turning that next corner will be a new adventure. I now have to dig deeper than I have ever dug before, pull up my battle worn boots and shake down that A3 pad and pen and do what I do best. My biggest fear now has only just begun. The comeback. The next corner to turn. I won’t be beaten, and I won’t give up on my dreams even when the world is throwing everything it can at me. Here’s to a new start, a new type of future and lessons will be learned for the better. 

“No one will ever fight harder for you and what you want to achieve more than you.”

Damian Howell.

IndigoRiver 2009-2011