When does self-help become self-hurt?

Self-help is everywhere, all the time. It's bigger than bitcoin.

Social media influencers are posting inspirational content every hour. There are more seminars that promise to help you find fulfillment than there is time in a day. New self-help books hit shelves every week. Self-help is flooding all of our social media pages. Have we reached a point of self-help overload?

Full disclosure: I too have invested time and effort into the trend. My team and I launched an inspirational video channel as a passion project. Our slogan is “Inspiration is All Around.” My actions show that we can all use some motivation and inspiration. But don’t fall into the belief that you’re completely broken and need to rebuild yourself from the ground up. You might be a great writer, but have trouble with public speaking to promote your work. You might be super smart, but need to discipline yourself to apply your smarts in a more focused manner. Whatever your situation might be, before seeking to “fix” yourself figure out what exactly it is that’s broken – and it’s definitely not everything.

We’re all the same in regards to desiring a sense of fulfillment, but we’re all different in what fulfillment means to us. Novels, seminars and social media influencers try to reach a wide audience. They’re hitting on that first part – they want to help you find fulfillment. But what you’re reading or hearing will never completely apply to your situation. It’s up to you to decide what you can use and what you can’t.

If you attempt to apply every single piece of self-help advice you read or hear you will go insane. You’ll be putting an immense amount of pressure on yourself not only to remember all of the information, but more so to apply it. Instead of progressing you’ll be regressing due to information overload. I know this from personal experience.

In my early days as an entrepreneur I tried to apply every bit of information written by people I looked up to. I resonated most with the idea of always having a positive mindset. I took that advice too literally and it led to a near nervous breakdown. Within two weeks the pent up negativity surrounding me reaching a boiling point. I was attempting to be positive all the time, yet failed to realize that I didn't have to pretend there was nothing negative in my life. That night I went home to my wife and vented for hours. Getting that negativity out felt incredible and from then on I began common self-help method: journaling.

There’s a great theory called the Stockdale Paradox. It’s named after Navy admiral and aviator James Stockdale. It goes like this: always stay assured that the future is bright, but confront the brutal, dark facts of the present reality head first. Every single person has positive qualities that, if focused properly, will lead him or her to fulfillment. To highlight those positive qualities, take a look at what you’re currently doing that’s holding you back. Then work to fix those characteristics or habits. Nobody is completely broken despite what you may tell yourself or hear from self-help gurus.

Scaling that concept up to an entity, or in my case an inspirational channel, isn't much different. Our goal isn’t to help each individual who watches our videos find exactly what will fulfill them. Our goal is to show how others have done so despite adversity, in hopes that our audience comes away knowing their situation can be improved. We’re not going to turn your life around with our videos, it’s up to you to do that, and that’s never been our intention. Remember, you’re not completely broken! We will however show you that it’s possible to improve yourself regardless of your circumstances.

I’ve applied this to my core-business as well. We’ve had some hiccups in the past few years and are trying to adjust our operations to avoid similar situations. We’re not changing every single thing about the business. There are definitely a lot of positives considering we’ve been around for 6 years. Yet we’re aware of the reality that there’s always room for improvement. What we improve on needs to highlight the positives and fix the issues that are holding us back from doing so.

Relax, take a deep breath and accept that life will throw you curveballs. Not everything is going to be peachy and you shouldn’t punish yourself when things go sour. There’s a lot of noise around you telling you how to make things sweet, a lot of which is actually good advice that’s well intentioned. But remember that it’s ok to neutralize that sweetness with a grain of salt. Find a balance between all the guidance you’re presented and the parts of that guidance actually apply to your unique situation.