When does being competitive turn sinister?

Roberta and I just finished watching a “60 Minutes” special commemorating 9/11, which first aired shortly before its first anniversary.

We were there that day 23 years ago, residents of NYC, living about 10 blocks north of what became ground zero; from the roof of The Textile Building, where we owned a condominium, we watched building six of the World Trade Center complex collapse.

If you’ve never watched the show, or even if you have, I urge you to view it again, a small gesture of remembrance for the 2,753 people who lost their lives that day.

Here’s the link to the show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bj6s4WULw64 .

In my early days at Digitas, I was one of two Account people assigned to a couple of accounts, working with a colleague named John.? Neither of us had much experience as presenters, yet at some point we were facing an important client presentation.? John was rightly nervous; I was too, with the only difference between us being my superficial sense of false bravado:

“No need to worry, John, if at any point you get in trouble, turn to me; I will jump in and rescue you.”

Was I being magnanimous?? Supportive?? A good colleague?

Hell no.? I was being a shit, a gaslighter.? Instead of building John’s confidence, my intent, whether or not I fully recognized it at the time, was to undermine it.?

The truth is, we were colleagues in name only; in reality, we were competitors, doing battle in the agency arena.?

At some point later, John was gone, a casualty of an unforgiving environment where only the resilient endure and survive.

I hadn’t thought of this in years, until I read a New York Times story, “The Office Assassin:? What should I do about a friend who deliberately undermined one of her colleagues and then bragged to me about it?”? In a reply to someone asking about an overly competitive and aggressive colleague, the author responds:

“Wow. Your friend sounds like a real piece of work, by which I mean, she sounds pretty awful: manipulative, prone to gaslighting … even abusive.“

Which caused me to ask:? am I, or was I, that person?

In the early days, as I adjusted to my first real agency job, I struggled mightily, but I was a relentless worker, focused, disciplined, and determined; in a ?mistake-prone, I’ll-get-it-right-next-time way, I slowly, sometimes painfully, gained surer footing.?

As I became more proficient and capable, I found myself at odds with several of my colleagues – many of them college buddies of Digitas founder Michael Bronner – all of whom weren’t nearly as motivated, and wasn’t shy in letting my opinions be known, often voicing my concerns in a way that let Bronner know where I stood.? When each of the underperformers left, either voluntarily or not, I was not unhappy.?

A question remains, though:? did I have a hand in their demise, or for that matter, the demise of others who I considered competitors?

In truth, I likely did.? ?

Other questions: ?were my actions manipulative or toxic?? Did I gaslight all of them, just as I had with John?? If I had this to do over, would I have behaved differently?

In truth, the answer is “No.”? I am fairly certain my assessments were for the most part accurate, and stand by them, all these years later.

While I am the first to admit I wasn’t always the best or easiest colleague with whom to work, at least I was an honest, reliable, you-can-count-on-me one.?

Looking back on this now, this is one of the things that likely saved me for a career in client service.

• #gaslighting
• #Digitas
• #advertising
• #marketing