When do you kill a passion project?

I love podcasting. It's something I'm relatively(?) good at, well... at least I've been told that - who knows maybe they were just being nice... and I've got the process down to a science. I've had up to 3 going at once over the last 3 years. However.... I'm on the verge of killing the last one I'm a part of and I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I love it. I do. But I'm watching it slowly and painfully die of starvation and I want to have mercy.

Creating content is fun for me and I've worked to develop some novel concepts that I've developed three over the last few years. One was pretty successful for a niche audience - several hundred listeners and based on a connected fitness community of which I was a fanatical member. I had a great co-host but my fitness routines shifted away from the equipment and I didn't feel like I was the best steward of the podcast, so I found a new host and transitioned it over to them. A second one on sustainability I ran a few episodes of, but it never really got traction so I stopped it as it was only monthly and required a lot of work to interview folks. Then there was Scrummy Handshakes. It is (I almost said "was") a podcast focused on The Great British Bake Off (aka GBBO) and its affiliated programs. I love the show, and I have a ton of fun talking about it on the podcast.

The show started about a year ago with three of us. Three friends located in different parts of the country that were all really into GBBO, baking, and talking about these things. We even kicked off the show in a fun and unique "Fantasy Bake-off" fashion. The show started really well and we were getting over 100 listeners an episode really quickly. (Ok - before you pass any listener number judgment - we were not professionals, have no marketing money, etc. you get the drift... having 100+ people listening to us each week was really fun). We were having fun and made 25 or so episodes together until one of my co-hosts had to drop due to taking some weekend work. The other one and I made several other episodes and then she also started having work conflicts but said "she would be back" once things calmed down.

So. It was just me. Holding down the fort. Alone. That said, I was having fun. I love to bake so would talk about that as well as the episodes of GBBO, even though it wasn't what I wanted to do as talking about the show with someone makes it a lot more interesting. Different opinions, ideas, etc. all added to the flavor. I trudged on. Working out how to talk alone on the topic took a bit, but eventually I found my groove and was still having fun. Unfortunately, though ... fewer and fewer listeners were showing up. Why? Who knows. Podcasts are finicky beasts. Tastes change. Seasons can change habits. Content can get stale. Lack of continual marketing for the show. A whole bunch of things can impact your listeners. Only one thing was for sure... it wasn't growing at this stage. That said, there were folks showing up every week for their dose of Scrummy Handshakes.

And besides, my co-host would be back soon!

She would not be back soon.

In fact, she just said she isn't going to be able to come back at this time.

F**k.

All the options come rushing into my head. Carry on alone? There were listeners counting on me! A good number fewer, but still, they were there. Find a new co-host? Maybe... but we started this show rooted in friendship. It might be really weird to continue on with someone else. Change it all up? New format? Would take some work, but a possibility. And then there was the "other" option. Kill it. End it before it dies a slow and painful death when one week you realize that nobody is listening.

These options are a little daunting and depressing. I've spent a year on this project. Passion project is a good way to put it as I truly felt joy on the mic and watching GBBO episodes with the analytical thirst needed to make a podcast about it. I was feeling joy in making it... but sadness when looking at the results. That old friend "Self doubt" was creeping back with new ammunition:

"Maybe you aren't very good at this."

"Your concept sucks"

"Do your friends even listen? What the hell..."

"This will never amount to anything"

"This is pathetic. YOU are too."

This is not a great feeling. Nobody loves failure and when you feel true passion about something it makes it especially hard to abandon it. Some people would say "Never give up on your passion!". Well. I'm not in that camp. There are lots of things to be passionate about in life... sometimes it's just not your destiny. But when do you know? I keep thinking about that old image of the miner that turned around just a few inches from that pocket of gold. Silly, I know, but could I turn this fun project into a successful one too? It makes me sad to think about stopping.... but it makes me really sad to think about it emaciating to nothing.

Yeah. I know. It's just a stupid podcast, but it was MY podcast and I loved it. Oh dear.... I just said "was" when referring to Scrummy Handshakes.

Do I know what I'm going to do with this show? Not yet. I think I need to sleep on it. I need the idea to bake a little more (pun intended). A new season of GBBO "proper" is just about to start and I need to decide on how I move forward. This shouldn't give me as much distress as it does, but I guess it just proves that it is in fact a passion product.

I wish there were some rational scoring methodology to make this decision rational and non-emotional, but there isn't. From everything I can guess at this time, you just need to "know" when it's time to make a move (of some kind). My only job right now is to let my mind think about it and see if something resonates. I truly hope it does soon.

Until then. On your marks. Get set. BAKE!

Note: If you want to listen to an episode of Scrummy Handshakes and give me your opinion.... I can take criticism and would welcome your thoughts. You can find it basically anywhere you get podcasts.