When Darkness is a Gift

‘One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.’ — Sigmund Freud

Fifteen years of chronic heroin addiction brought me to the very edge. I lost my job, my health, my mind, and every important relationship in my life.

But I was lucky. Pounded into submission by the most painful night of my life, I received a gift. Call it what you will — a perspective shift, an awakening, or simply dumb luck — this also became the most important night of my life.

I fought long and hard to keep my addiction alive, terrified of facing reality without drugs, but through the pain of this night, I finally surrendered. In doing so, I released my vice-like grip on the story that I told myself, the one that protected my addiction. My mind went quiet, and my new life began.

Curious, passionate, and completely open-minded, I set out to learn all I could. Captivated by concepts such as awareness, meditation, and self, I became a student of life. I soon went to university to study the source of my suffering, where I am now a lecturer and doing a PhD.

I’ve read far and wide over the last six years, yet I’ve barely scratched the surface. With that being said, here are 15 lessons I’ve learned from living in darkness, and what I presently know to be true about the world.

1. Trust your instincts. If the mind and gut are conflicted, the mind is telling lies.
2. The only limits in your life are the ones you put on yourself, so dream big, and be bold.
3. Never doubt yourself - you’ll only attract reasons to support your claims.
4. If you live and love, you will experience pain, but this is how we grow. “Obstacles do not block the path, they are the path” — Zen Proverb.
5. Most people don’t act. If you act, you’ll shine. And if you act consistently, you’ll be unstoppable.
6. Don’t compare. Stay in your own lane. Joy comes from advancement, not comparison.
7. You have no control over outside events, but you always have a choice over how you respond to them. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is not.
8. Life is hard, but never as serious as your mind makes it out to be.
9. Gratitude is a superpower. It should be harnessed daily.
10. Speak in ways so others want to listen. Listen in ways so others want to speak.
11. Society’s rules don’t always apply. When everyone zigs, it’s often best to zag.
12. Having fun is medicine for your soul, so laugh often, even if there’s nothing to laugh at.
13. Options are endless in our frantic modern world. Recognising the essential few from the trivial many has never been more important.
14. Be true to your wonderfully weird self. You will attract what you need, and repel what you don’t.
15. Change is possible. That’s me below left, 2 years before I hit rock bottom. The photo on the right was taken in 2017, 4 years after I reclaimed my life.

All you need to know

Darkness isn’t always a gift, but if you look for the light, and keep an open mind, the years of struggle may strike you as the most beautiful.

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