When customers get angry

As customers, our decision to purchase a product or service is driven by the desire to solve a problem and improve our circumstances. Whether it's to enhance productivity, save time, elevate our business, or simply reduce stress, we seek solutions that meet our specific needs. However, when these expectations are not met, we can find ourselves in a worse situation, with one more problem to deal with.

The mismatch between customer expectations and the actual experience can lead to frustration and dissatisfaction. Meanwhile, providers and customers often express strong dissatisfaction with the lack of proficiency exhibited by their counterparts, as the deficiency in appropriate skills or knowledge is a major source of friction for both parties.

This dynamic highlights the importance of understanding the perspectives of both customers and providers in order to establish a shared understanding and find more effective solutions.?

By carefully considering the customer experience and the challenges faced by customer service representatives, we can work towards improving the overall quality of customer relationships.

While it's important not to justify aggressive customer behaviour, we should also consider the challenges faced by customer service representatives. Often, customer care services are provided by poorly trained workers, managed under the wrong key performance indicators (KPIs) that can actually drive customer frustration.

On the other hand, even users with a high level of competence may become distracted or struggle when embracing new technologies. Meanwhile, those who merely believe they are proficient can engage providers even more forcefully, further exacerbating the situation.?

Both customers and providers are operating within complex systems that can contribute to suboptimal interactions and outcomes.?

In his book 'Hug Your Haters ,' Jay Baer delves into the complexities of challenging situations involving irate customers. Baer elucidates how customers, relying on a solution, can become frustrated when their expectations are not met. This frustration often escalates into anger when customers interact with vendors who exhibit inadequate skills or adopt ineffective customer relationship management strategies.

What's interesting is why, as customers, we may express such intense anger over seemingly minor issues with providers, even more so than the deeper frustrations we face in our lives.

In my own business, we've found ourselves in the position of being the "bad vendor." A product under development left customers upset, leading to negative reviews - something we didn't always handle positively. I recall once becoming irate when a client left a bad review after receiving a refund of less than a dollar, thinking "How dare they assume we're trying to scam them for such a trivial amount?" Due to similar experiences, businesses may expect customers to be understanding, if not outright kind. However, upon reflection, I realised those reactions were more a product of my own mindset, rather than the reality of the situation or the client's perspective.?

As Jay Baer explains, the escalation of customer anger often stems from the fact that as customers, we've allocated resources - time, money, effort - towards finding a solution. When that solution fails to materialise, and the experience around it is poor, it can unleash resentment and a sense of having wasted those precious resources, even worse for relatively minor issues. We're more prepared to invest significant effort when dealing with critical problems, but become disproportionately frustrated by disappointments in non-essential areas.

My aim is to delve into both the vendor's and the customer's perspectives to shed light on potential areas for improvement. By fostering a shared understanding, both parties can work towards more effective interactions, bridging the gap caused by misunderstandings.

Customers who get mad, often are not mad. They are reacting to triggers that may not be immediately apparent. Their emotional responses can stem from a perceived slight or misunderstanding that has triggered a negative narrative in their minds. It's important to recognize that external factors, such as recent experiences or stress, can influence their reactions. While we may not be able to change their emotional response directly, we can control the triggers that may exacerbate their frustration.

The design of customer relationship management requires careful attention. It is essential to consider the desired customer experience when they interact with our product or service. How do we want them to perceive when they encounter challenges with our product, regardless of who is at fault for the issue?

In his book "Linchpin," Seth Godin discusses a common tendency we exhibit when we feel the need to "teach a lesson" to others. This behaviour often involves perceiving an attack from the other party and responding assertively to affirm our authority. The underlying objective is to shift blame onto the other party, emphasising their fault over ours. This approach can subtly convey condescension, suggesting that the other party is lacking in competence or intelligence. Rather than being merely passive-aggressive, it borders on patronising speech, undermining the counterpart's understanding.

The primary motivation behind this behaviour tends to ensure that we are seen as correct, hence competent. This method is often adopted when individuals feel a lack of knowledge and expertise, using assertiveness to compensate for perceived shortcomings.

This assertive "fight" tendency, where we take a fierce stand in an effort to assert our authority to create value, is often counterproductive. While it may stem from a desire to be heard and considered competent, this approach can backfire and further exacerbate the situation. For customers who have experienced this dynamic, it can be deeply frustrating to feel dismissed or treated as "illiterate," even in a subtle manner, by customer service representatives.?

As customers, we should strive to empathise with the challenges faced by those individuals in their customer service roles: providing effective customer service requires a significant breadth of knowledge, continuous training and updating, and the ability to handle complaints with grace and professionalism, rather than taking them personally. Customer service representatives must discuss issues with competence and emotional distance, while also offering constructive solutions or workarounds. They must listen to clients without making assumptions about their competence or jumping to conclusions before fully understanding the situation. Moreover, customer service agents are often expected to serve a high volume of clients per hour while maintaining a 5-star rating. All together it is practically a superhuman task. Yet, despite these demands, they are increasingly at risk of being replaced by AI-powered solutions.

As customers we may feel deeply frustrated, upset, and angry when struggling with a problematic product, but we must recognize that will never be diminished and frustrated as a call-centre operator might be. Their role requires them to navigate a constant barrage of challenging interactions, often with limited resources and support.

I am currently dealing with "In Praise of Failure" by Costica Bradatan , who is helping me rethink my perspective on failure and the precariousness of life. Previously, I was quite a proud individual, more inclined to fight than to flee or freeze. However, this book has inspired me to reconsider my approach to emotional regulation, and to extend the benefit of the doubt to others, rather than assuming they might be obstacles to my own success.

I have always been driven to accelerate the pace of my life, eager to avoid any perceived waste of time. Now, I have come to appreciate the value of slowing down and observing. I find that watching people's anger with discernment can help me redirect that energy into something more constructive - towards building more effective solutions.