When Conversations Derail: A Reflection on Gender Dynamics in Virtual Breakout Rooms

Over the past two months, I’ve attended approximately ten online webinars, masterminds, and workshops, each featuring breakout rooms where participants are tasked with answering specific questions. In each of these sessions—about fifteen in total—something strikingly consistent occurred. Whenever there was at least one man in the group, the discussion veered off course. Inevitably, the man would end up sharing personal stories and experiences, drifting far from the topic at hand. Each time, I found myself stepping up to assertively redirect the conversation back to the question.

At first, I dismissed this as coincidence, but the pattern repeated itself enough to warrant deeper reflection. Was this a quirk of individual personalities, or was there something broader at play?

Gendered Communication Styles

One possible explanation lies in the differing communication styles of men and women. Research often shows that women tend to dominate informal social conversations, while men may assert themselves more in formal settings. In a virtual breakout room—a space straddling both the social and professional—it seems men may feel the need to claim space by sharing their experiences.

Could it be that men perceive these breakout rooms as rare opportunities to share their personal stories in a setting that encourages openness? Historically, women have been seen as the storytellers and communicators, taking on roles that require emotional connection and verbal expression. If women typically "do more of the talking," perhaps these virtual forums give men a chance to do something they feel they don’t often get to do: connect emotionally and narratively.

The Role of Leadership in Group Dynamics

As someone who often had to step in and steer the conversation back to the question, I realised this pattern wasn’t just about communication—it was also about leadership. Effective facilitation requires a balance between allowing participants to feel heard and ensuring that the group achieves its objectives.

Redirecting the conversation wasn’t always easy. I had to strike a balance between validating the speaker’s experiences and gently but firmly guiding the discussion back to the task at hand. This process highlighted an important leadership lesson: assertiveness and empathy must go hand in hand.

Social Dynamics in a Virtual World

In the online realm, where faces are confined to boxes and body language is muted, storytelling can become a way to stand out, to be seen and heard in a sea of muted microphones and shifting attention spans. Men, who may feel constrained in other settings, might seize this space as an outlet for expression.

On the other hand, women in these rooms—including myself—may unconsciously take on the role of “manager,” ensuring that the group stays focused and productive. This aligns with broader societal expectations of women as organisers and nurturers. While this dynamic can work in favour of achieving goals, it also risks perpetuating the invisible labour often shouldered by women in collaborative settings.

Moving Forward: A Call for Balance

This experience has left me wondering: how can we create spaces where everyone feels heard, yet discussions remain productive? Here are some suggestions:

Set clear expectations upfront. At the beginning of a breakout session, outline the goal and encourage participants to stick to the question while sharing relevant insights.

Rotate facilitation roles. Encourage different group members to take on the role of guiding the conversation, fostering shared responsibility.

Acknowledge contributions. When someone shares a story, validate their experience before redirecting the conversation. This maintains a sense of inclusion without derailing the group’s focus.

Final Thoughts

Reflecting on these sessions, I’m struck by the complexity of group dynamics and how they mirror societal norms. Men may indeed feel that they rarely get the chance to share their stories, while women may feel a responsibility to ensure the group stays on track. Both tendencies are understandable—and both highlight the importance of creating spaces that balance openness with structure.

In the end, what matters is that everyone feels valued and that discussions remain meaningful. With a little awareness and effort, we can transform these virtual forums into truly collaborative spaces, where every voice contributes to a greater understanding.