When a Conversation Feels Like a Slap

Yes, this blog will be referring to the 'Will Smith slap'. No, I won’t be taking a position of who was right or wrong, but rather, talking about the power dynamics associated with the action.?

As someone who spends a considerable amount of time thinking about ‘power dynamics’, the whole unpleasant episode was fascinating to watch. Will Smith, clearly a bigger man with a significant physical presence, perpetrated the slap on Chris Rock, a smaller man who relies on wit (or the perception of humour) rather than physicality. A short time after this happened, I was left thinking about how often this sort of thing occurs in the workplace, albeit not physically but psychologically.?

The walk to the podium was the story of two very different people.?If you look at the approach, it had all the hallmarks of intent to cause harm. The posturing or bridging from Will Smith seemed to indicate the decision to strike was made the minute he left his seat. The reverse was also true for Chris Rock; he looked perplexed, confused and vulnerable. it was difficult not to notice the emotions he attempted to subdue after the now infamous slap.?

Physical presence does matter. It makes a difference in the way people communicate with one another. Dominance in body posturing happens every day in subconscious ways. We should take an interest in this, as people will adapt their behaviour based on a perceived dominance hierarchy. Height, stature and size, coupled with a disagreeable intent, are challenging to contend with at a subconscious level. This has a profound impact on equity, safety, and inclusion.?

Years ago, I was honoured to work on a leadership development project with the Australian Rugby Union legend John Eales. Seeing John on TV is one thing but seeing him in reality is quite the other. You can’t get much bigger than John, I mean, I felt like Frodo talking to Gandalf in Lord of the Rings. John had a sophisticated grasp on power dynamics. He understood what it meant on the field and off the field. He needed to dominate and impose his physical presence when battling the All Blacks, but in everyday life, I think he was sensitive to behave in a way that made others feel safe. John brought a pleasant, warm and inclusive feeling to conversations. He came across as genuine and careful in the way he interacted. He was easy to talk to, and I remember reflecting on how deliberate and intelligent he was when communicating with others.?

We need to be mindful of the power dynamics we bring into all our relationships. Intimidated people don’t offer suggestions and ideas. Inclusion creates opportunities for all personalities to feel safe enough to bring their best, worst and craziest ideas forward. After all, it's the bad ideas that make good ones look good!?

As many comments and opinions circulate over the ‘slap’, it’s safe to assume that Chris Rock harbours some sense of guilt, shame and regret as I am sure, Will Smith also does. Perhaps, like many people on the opposite side of power dominance, the disempowerment experienced is one felt many months, if not years, after the event. I wonder how many others have felt the same, from less apparent forms of destructive dominance. Perhaps a more compassionate approach could be used in conversations, particularly for those with a dominance advantage.?