When is Complimenting a Woman's Appearance Sexist?

Recently, I attended the Australia New Zealand Leadership Forum at which Australia's Minister for Foreign Affairs, the Hon Julie Bishop MP, presented a keynote "Australia & New Zealand in a disrupted political world". As Ms. Bishop left the stage to a round of applause, a man sitting next to me leaned in towards me and whispered, "She's got runner's calves".

When I posted about this incidence on social media, reactions were mixed. Whereas some readers felt that the comment was not inappropriate, others interpreted his remark as sexist. A number of readers asked me how I responded to the comment. In truth, I didn't call out the sexism in my neighbour's comment face-to-face. In this blog, I explore why I didn't call out the casual sexism in his remark as well as answers to some other questions raised—was the remark sexist and why do some of us believe it is while others of us believe it isn't?

WHEN IS A PAYING A WOMAN A COMPLIMENT SEXIST?

The simplest definition of sexism is prejudice or discrimination based on sex. One form of sexism is sexual objectification—the act of treating women as sexual objects. Sexual objectification occurs when a women's body, body parts, or sexual functions are isolated from the whole and complex being and treated as objects simply to be looked at, coveted, or touched. Women are far more likely than men to be objectified and judged by a perceived sexual attractiveness rather than nonphysical traits such as intellectual ability. Sexual objectification of women is found in media, in advertising, on screen, and in other popular culture.

The undisputable truth is that compliments about a women's body in a professional context are sexist. The proof of this is that it is far less likely for a man to be critiqued about his body parts in a professional setting than a woman is. There is no grey area - differential judgments based on sex are sexist.

WHY THE CONFUSION?

Despite the logic above, some individuals (both men and women) find it difficult to reconcile how a compliment about the body parts of a professional woman could be construed as sexist.

Casual or everyday sexism refers sexism that is experienced so regularly that it has become normalised. Casual sexism is liked to unconscious sexist beliefs of which we are not even aware. Sexism is so culturally pervasive that it has become an implicit or subconscious norm.

We (men and women alike) are all products of our social and cultural environment. We all absorb, in an unconscious manner, beliefs and behaviours that are typical in our world. As we are exposed repeatedly to the sexual objectification of women, we come to link a women's worth to her physical attributes unconsciously. We don't even have to believe that a women's worth must be tied to her physical attributes for us to internalise sexual objectification, we just have to be exposed to it.

THE LONG TERM IMPLICATIONS OF CASUAL SEXISM

Sexist microaggressions refer to sexist beliefs and responses that women are exposed to on a daily basis which add up to more than just a single instance of harassment or one offhanded comment. Sexually objectified compliments are sexist microaggressions that, over time, can shape a women's belief that her self-worth is intimately tied to others' approval of her appearance. Sexual objectification has been linked to eating and body image disorders, low self-esteem and lack of confidence.

WHEN WOMEN DON'T CHALLENGE CASUAL SEXISM

The unconscious internalisation of sexual objectification partly explains why some women don't challenge casual sexism. Many women, like many men, have absorbed the sexual objectification of women as a cultural norm and experience it as the natural order of things. Globally, men’s per capita spend on grooming products was $6.50 in 2015, compared with $58.50 for women.

There is another reason, however, why women may not call out sexism. Research shows that women who behave assertively suffer interpersonal costs—women who respond assertively as not as well liked as men who respond with the same level of assertiveness. Because gender stereotypes dictate that women should be docile and agreeable, when women act in a counter-stereotypical manner, they breach implicit social codes regarding what it means to be a successful female. Calling out sexism carries particularly high interpersonal risks because most individuals interpret accusations of prejudice as personal attacks on their explicit egalitarianism values and react angrily.

Most women are aware, although often at a subconscious level, that when they speak up assertively on an issue important to them, and particularly on issues of gender imbalance, they face the very real possibility of being told to 'calm down' and to 'stop being hysterical'. They have learned through experience that breaching gender stereotypes by behaving assertively is frowned upon. In particular, calling out sexism carries social and professional risks for women. No doubt New Zealand Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern, knew this when she brushed off inappropriate questions about her private life in a recent 60-minutes interview.

MEN, WE NEED #YOUTOO

Women have fought a long fight for equality. Although, thanks to the contributions of #MeToo and #TimesUp we are currently experiencing real momentum for change, there is still a long way to go. Despite a clear business case for gender equality, the World Economic Forum estimates that it will take another 217 years until we achieve gender parity in the workplace. Even more alarming is that progress towards gender parity has reversed. The estimated time needed to ensure full equality in the workplace jumped from 80 years in 2014 to 170 years last year to 217 years in November 2017.

Most days, I get up fighting to close the gap but I do so aware that each time I challenge sexism, I expose myself to social or professional backlash. This is especially true in relation to calling out casual sexism. Because casual sexism can be ambiguous, calling out casual sexism triggers accusations of 'political correctness', 'oversensitive' and the like. On some days, the reality of paying the bills and providing a financially stable environment free from interpersonal conflict as well as a need for social connectedness, mean that I, and other women, sometimes allow incidences of casual sexism to pass unchecked. Particularly when our desire to 'fit in', to maintain interpersonal harmony, and for approval is strong.

I call on men to share the emotional load and to stand alongside women in calling out sexism. When men call out sexism it is powerful because it is unexpected. Both men and women are disarmed when men call out sexism. While women calling out sexism is often dismissed as 'overly sensitive', men calling out sexism triggers greater scrutiny.

This article was originally published on the Include-Empower.Com blog. If you are interested in receiving more articles like this one direct to your inbox, we invite you to subscribe to our monthly newsletter here.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Felicity Menzies is Principal Consultant and CEO of Include-Empower.Com, a full-service Sydney-based diversity and inclusion consultancy founded in 2012.

Felicity has more than 15 years of experience in financial and professional services, her most recent role being CEO of Stephenson Mansell Group (SMG), one of Australia's preeminent leadership development and culture change firms.

Felicity is the author of, A World of Difference: Leading in Global Markets with Cultural Intelligence and is a regular contributor to business publications on topics related to diversity and inclusion.