When Children Seek Advice: A Parent's Guide to Understanding and Support
?Dr. Myava Clark? PhD, RRT-NPS
Child Online Safety Advocate/ Bully Buster/ Parent Ambassador/ School Champion/Lover of Life
How are you? Really, how are you? How does this question make you feel? Does it make you pause because you are not used to anyone asking you that? Are you used to people asking you that because they are being polite? Do you think people care when they ask you? When the question was repeated the second time, did it feel different? Did you think, perhaps they really do care?
ASK CASEN:
My ten year old son, Charles, came to me with a concern and he wanted my opinion but when I gave him my advice, he did not accept it. Has this ever happened to you? If so, what did you do about it?
The Scenario: My son, Charles, has a friend, Sally, who is a classmate. Sally lost her pencil sharpener and she was quite upset. Charles felt bad for her and he was extremely concerned about her being upset. Charles saw a pencil sharpener that had been in the lost and found for weeks without being claimed. He went to his teacher and showed her the unclaimed pencil sharpener and asked if he could give it to Sally. The teacher said, yes and Charles gave Sally the pencil sharpener. This made Sally feel good which in turn made Charles feel good. The problem was solved and everyone was happy. Until, another classmate, James, saw the pencil sharpener and claimed it to be his own sharpener. Sally gave James the sharpener and she was sad again. This also made my son sad again and now he’s angry because he doesn’t understand why James did not claim the sharpener from the lost and found. Charles came to me with his frustration. I explained that James likely hadn't known to check the lost and found for his missing sharpener until he saw it. I agreed Sally should return the sharpener to its rightful owner James. However, Charles would not listen and accept my perspective and advice on the situation. I wonder what to do when a child asks for advice but does not listen.
I certainly can relate to this. Not only did I experience this with my children when they were younger but as young adults, this can occasionally still happen. I think it is just a part of life and the maturation process. Sometimes our children can’t see what we see and they don’t know what we know. We can only do the best that we can by sharing our knowledge on a level that they can understand. Speak truthfully and give examples. Allow for the discussion to take place. Once you have shared your thoughts, you have to support your children with their decisions and hope that the price they pay isn’t too costly. I believe nothing is ever a failure or a mistake if you learn from it. I hope Charles will one day look back on this and know that you always had his best interest at heart.
When I was in 8th grade, I wanted to be friends with the popular kids at lunch. I thought it would make me popular, too. My parents tried to tell me to be with the kids who wanted to be with me, but for some reason, that wasn’t good enough for me. One day, I had a run-in with one of the guys from the football team. The guidance counselor suggested that we eat lunch together to get to know each other better. That worked! I enjoyed sitting at the table with the football guys. When I was at the table, I stopped sitting at lunch with my old friends and wanted to be with the popular kids. One day, one of my former friends, Sam, tried to hurt himself. Since things were going great for me at the table, I thought I belonged there and invited Sam to join us, hoping it would help him. But my plan backfired. Sam tried to turn the popular kids against me. They rejected us both. This experience humbled me because I learned that one minute things could be going well, and the next minute things aren’t going well. I didn't always listen to my parents because I thought I knew best. Now that I am 27 years old, I realize I can not always blend multiple worlds, and I would tell my younger self to trust their parents. If they had taken their parents' advice, things could have turned out differently.
?Book of the month:
Remaining You While Raising Them by Alli Worthington Alli has a podcast where she speaks to mothers about providing self-care. This book is not a parenting book. It does not tell you what to do with your kids. Instead, Alli gives suggestions on how to take care of yourself as a mother by paying attention to your own emotional well-being. Even though My children are adults, I still found many takeaways that I found beneficial as I continue to parent in this next phase. However, I believe that if you have younger children, following her suggestions and advice could potentially save you some sleepless nights and frustration. One thing that Alli speaks on is searching yourself to see what you need at the moment. She says that a mother’s emotional health is extremely important to balancing everything else. I highly recommend this book for all mothers, especially those with young children
?The App of the Month:
Bark App monitors texts, social media, and search engines. The app scans your child’s text messages, social media apps, web browsers, emails, and other online activity and notifies you when there is potentially harmful or concerning content coming to your child. The app will contact you without your child knowing it. The purpose of the notifications are to give you insight so that you can have conversations about the content with your child.
The app offers:
领英推荐
Check Bark's different product offers and troubleshooting at https://www.bark.us
What's Next: Upcoming Event
I'm thrilled to announce an exciting opportunity: I'm offering my comprehensive CASEN Connect Course completely FREE to 20 qualified participants this January 2025!
This 5-week program is specifically designed for parents, caregivers, educators, and professionals (including counselors, psychologists, therapists, and social workers) working with children ages 9-13. The course serves as an essential foundation for preparing children for social media engagement.
Key Course Components:
What You'll Receive:
Eligibility:
How to Apply:
Message us, with "FREE COURSE" and I'll send you a registration form to evaluate if this program aligns with your needs.
This is a limited-time opportunity to join our movement for healthier digital families.
Don't miss your chance to be part of this transformative experience!