When a child acts out what do they really need?

Children need to be understood. They need for us to understand who it is they are and what it is they need beneath their behaviors. Their behaviors may appear to be “bad”, however their needs never are. It is up to us parents to decipher what the needs are beneath the child's behavior.?

As we become curious, we gain information though observation and find the clues to learn about the child and their behavior giving us insight. There are questions we can ask to dig deeper underneath the surface.

Does the child need more connection? If the child needs more connection, we provide this by becoming fully present with them without distraction. Become more available by giving them our physical and emotional support with non-judgment and empathy. Attune to them by?allowing our own internal state to shift, coming into resonance with their inner world so they feel understood.

Is the child needing more boundaries and limits? If the child is consistently acting out, they may be asking for more boundaries and limits, however, we must be careful. We only do so through care and compassion, never using excessive control, punishment or shame. All boundaries and limits must be instituted with care and respect.?

Is the child struggling developmentally? Find out if there are biological, genetic, physiological or developmental inabilities for the child. Is the child needing professional care? More structure, more or less organization? A different timetable?

Has the child suffered from something traumatic? There may be something going on with the child that we are absolutely unaware of -?social, emotional, or cognitive impairment that is causing unrest and disturbance in the child. In this case, we must get professional help right away