When Black Women Cry…

Feb 15

Written By Lisa Lackey

You will find yourself face-to-face with your weaknesses, and it is within those moments that you will find out what it really means to be strong, to be queen, to be magical. You will no longer be able to Band-Aid your wounds and keep it pushin'. You will find that having faith won't always feel like it's enough to get you through a manic episode. You will have some nights where your tears kiss your pillowcase, and that feeling of sadness is indescribable. You will show how strong you are by allowing yourself to weep. You will show how strong you are by speaking up and admitting to yourself that things are not OK; you are hurting, you are in pain and you are in need of help. You will uncover your wounds and allow the process of healing to begin by no longer keeping your problems a secret, but by giving your problems the proper treatment they need, whether it be therapy or finding a support group.”

Minaa B.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/an-open-letter-to-black-women-about-mental-health_b_7662862

WHAT TEARS ARE YOU CRYING?

Basal: The tear ducts constantly secrete basal tears, which are a protein-rich antibacterial liquid that helps to keep the eyes moist every time a person blinks. Reflex: These are tears triggered by irritants such as wind, smoke, or onions. They are released to flush out these irritants and protect the eye. Emotional: Humans shed tears in response to a range of emotions. These tears contain a higher level of stress hormones than other types of tears.

WHEN DID YOU STOP CRYING?

Women are biologically wired to shed tears more than men. Under a microscope, cells of female tear glands look different than men's. Also, the male tear duct is larger than the female's, so if a man and a woman both tear up, the woman's tears will spill onto her cheeks quickly. "For men and their ducts, it'd be like having a big fat pipe to drain in a rainstorm," says Louann Brizendine, a neuropsychiatrist at the University of California, San Francisco

Black women know that our tears can be a source of healing. But as we grow up, we notice something: when we shed tears, they're often seen differently. Take the playground, for example. When Black girls face bullying or exclusion, our tears might not get the same compassion as those of our white peers. Instead, we might be judged or brushed aside, while white girls receive comfort for their tears.

And as we start to develop physically, things can get even more complicated. Suddenly, we're no longer seen as just kids by some teachers. They start treating us like we should know better or be more mature, even if we're just trying to navigate growing up like everyone else. Our tears are expected to be held back as if we're supposed to be tougher or more resilient than others.

MY RELATIONSHIP WITH TEARS

I have been 5'5" since I was in 6th grade. According to the pediatrician charts, and the heights of my classmates at the time, I was “big for my age.” That meant when it came time to line up by height, I was always at the back of the line, the person in front of me was usually much shorter. Not to mention, I was at that awkward age. You know, when you’re trying to fit in, or you just got new shiny braces, AND you wore glasses? I remember it well, I was hard on myself at that age.

I was at a new school with mostly white kids, eleven years old and about to be twelve. I quickly discovered that societal expectations began to reshape my relationship with my tears. It was recess, and as we raced through the playground door, “Ann” and I were pushed from behind, and both of us fell. “Ann” promptly went to the teacher on playground duty, with huge tears, whimpering and holding her elbow, saying “Lisa pushed me!” Though my knee was banged, my tears were ignored, as well as my words, “I didn’t push her.” “Ann” cried louder and began pointing at me, as though I assaulted her. The teacher held her hand and escorted her to the nurse’s office, with me lagging. Ultimately, I was never asked what happened and the teacher and the nurse gave me a serious side eye when I began to cry more. By the way, “Ann” was a white girl.

My developing body and my Black skin seemed to have invited a pattern of a new set of expectations and judgments, by my white teachers and classmates, I and others who looked like me were viewed through a lens of skepticism and admonishment. They seemed to forget that we were girls, trying to navigate new experiences just like little white girls.

At that time, I had no idea that those times were preparation for my future.

TEARS OF JOY, ARE YOUR STANDING OVATION TO YOURSELF!

After years of putting my tears away, except for special occasions; funerals, weddings, and tear-jerker movies, slowly I brought my tears out of storage. Initially, when I was alone or with someone that I trusted. At that time, I didn’t want someone to swiftly pass me a tissue or pat my back. I needed room for my tears, and they were my sign that I was thawing. Gradually, I allowed my warm tears to stream for what may have seemed like no reason. Later, I began to honor my tears, to listen to what they were communicating. And then when I experienced joy, gratitude, or felt pride in myself the tears flooded, my heart opened and I could breathe deeper.

Today, I don’t care what others’ interpretation of my tears is, I am unmoved by the tears of others who are attempting to gaslight me, and consider shedding tears as part of my self-care.

THE BENEFITS

According to a 2016 study published by the National Library of Medicine, there are many benefits to crying.

Benefits of Tears:

• Soothing Effect: Crying has been shown to have a direct, self-soothing effect on individuals. Studies indicate that crying activates the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS), promoting relaxation and aiding in emotional regulation.
• Social Support: Beyond self-soothing, crying serves as an attachment behavior, drawing support from those around us. This interpersonal benefit fosters connections and provides a source of comfort during times of distress.
• Pain Relief: Emotional tears contain oxytocin and endorphins, natural chemicals known to alleviate both physical and emotional pain. By releasing these "feel-good" hormones, crying can effectively reduce discomfort and promote overall well-being.
• Mood Enhancement: The release of oxytocin and endorphins during crying can elevate mood, offering a sense of relief and contentment. These mood-enhancing effects contribute to the perception of tears as agents of emotional healing.
• Stress Reduction: Tears shed in response to stress contain stress hormones and other chemicals. By expelling these substances from the body, crying may help mitigate stress levels and promote relaxation.
• Improved Sleep: While research on adults is limited, crying has been found to aid sleep in infants. The calming and mood-enhancing effects of crying suggest a potential role in facilitating better sleep patterns in adults as well.
• Antimicrobial Properties: Tears contain lysozyme, a fluid with powerful antimicrobial properties. This natural defense mechanism helps to combat bacteria and maintain eye health, reducing the risk of infections.
• Eye Health: Basal tears, produced with each blink, play a crucial role in moisturizing the eyes and preventing dryness of mucous membranes. By improving vision and protecting ocular health, tears contribute to overall visual well-being