When is the best time to make a change?

Human beings are creatures of habit and routine. We don’t like change much . We fight it, we ignore it, and we hide away from it, all in the hope that we will be spared the discomfort of going through it. We fear it. People are notoriously bad at accepting or dealing with change, and we are also terrible at proactively implementing successful change strategies in our own lives. Lets be honest. We suck at it! Our stronger human impulse (by design) is to revert back to our old, comfortable and familiar ways in favour of the possibilities of what positive change may bring us. 

Despite our vain attempts to defeat or avoid change, it happens to us all, whether we like it or not. It might be arriving at work one day to find out that you have been retrenched, or perhaps your wife has just told you that she is pregnant again (with twins), or you have decided to get fit, stop smoking, start studying, learn a new language, start a new career, move to a foreign country etc. Change is a constant in our lives. 

Instead of us denying this reality and going through life as victims of change, we really should be investing time and energy in developing the necessary awareness, knowledge and skills to deal with change much more effectively and productively.    

When is the best time to seek out proactive changes in your life? It seems like there is no best time, because so many changes happen unexpectedly and without warning. However, there are clearly some important points that need to be in considered and in place before you embark on making changes in your life. These elements are within your control, and they need to be fully considered and realised before you commit to any big changes.

Know what you can control and what you can't

Many of the changes that affect us in life are beyond our control (politics / economy / health / other people). People spend a lot of their time worrying about things they cannot change, and not doing enough to change the things they can (attitude, behaviour, honesty).  Once we can start to accept our own powerlessness to change, we can then start to distinguish between the things you can and can’t control in your life; then you can focus on what you can change and stop worrying excessively about things that you can't.

This journey starts with your attitude towards yourself and life. How you show up and behave during the game of life is all in your hands. This personal responsibility will determine everything about how your life turns out for you, because you will find that the other people in your life, and many of your life scenarios are purely refections of your own personal narrative playing out. We attract what we give our minds to.

You hold the power to decide whether you are a victim of circumstance or a soldier of life. You will decide your attitude towards how change affects your life. Yes, there are many changes that happen to us which are cruel and undeserved, but even in these situations, it is our own attitude towards dealing with these events that determine how we emerge from these experiences (weaker or stronger / negative or positive). One of the holocaust survivors, Victor Frankl, had this to say about his time in the concentration camps.

"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

It all begins with developed self awareness

Our personal perspective is central to our view of the world around us and how we experience it. Without an awareness of ones own attitude, behaviours and internal narratives, it is impossible to change, or to be open to change. Without this conscious awareness we are operating in an automated defensive mode. We are merely passengers in our own lives. If we are not conscious of our own minds and of our ‘self’, then we cannot hope to make any clear decisions about how we are going to handle change in our lives. Without this consciousness we cannot be proactive about pursuing positive change in our own lives. We will be victims of change all our lives and we will never learn how to develop an open and adaptive mindset towards change. 

Our brains don’t like change, which is why we unconsciously fight it 

Our attitude towards change is inherently negative, which is probably so because our brains are wired to reject change as a matter of its own function and protection. Over time we have created firmly established neural pathways and cognitive processes which tell us consistently that change is to be feared and avoided. This narrative is prevalent within the minds of the majority of our human population, and it continues to limit our progress as we cautiously trudge through a world that is becoming more and more volatile and unpredictable to navigate by the day! More than ever it is imperative that we develop better skills and competencies to deal with change in a different and more productive manner.   

We do have the ability to change all this rejection, fear and resistance of change into productive and proactive change readiness and openness. In order to understand what needs to change and how, we need to take a look at how the brain works and why we are inherently bad at change. Our brains likes us to operate in a comfort zone. Most of us live in a comfort zone most of the time. It is easy to be there. Nothing to offend your smoothly running brain or your comfortable life. The problem with a comfort zone is that it stops us growing and developing because we don’t experience anything new or challenging. A comfort zone leads to stagnation and stasis, and it eventually robs us of our dreams and aspirations in life. We become like automated robots going through the motions of life (and in constant fear of change).

It is through seeking out new and different life experiences that we grow and develop into better and more capable people. Our brains are not interested in our personal development though and will reject the new and different in favour of the tried and tested every time. Even if the tried and tested isn’t that great. 

Our brains are responsible for creating patterns and sequences which allow us to operate efficiently and predictably. When change happens, our brains consider the change a threat because it doesn’t fit within the existing networks and cognitive patterns the brain is used to re-enforcing. Most of us are governed by the unconscious activities of our brains, and we become enslaved to its impulses and needs. This kind of relationship with our brain is very unhealthy and destructive for us because we are rendered powerless to the automatic and unconscious activities of our brains without any clear understanding of what is going on. So if our brains are predisposed to reject change at every level then how do we go about escaping this developmental prison? Can we change the way our brains respond to change so we can become better at dealing with it when it strikes?

If you can change the mind then you can change the brain

Recent studies in neuroscience have shown that if you can change your mind then you can change your brain. Our brains neural pathways are susceptible to our thoughts. Where it was previously thought that our neural pathways in the brain where hardwired to work in a particular way, it has now been clearly shown that our brains are malleable to our inner thoughts and narratives.

Our thoughts become behaviours, which are driven by our attitudes & beliefs about ourselves and the world we live in. Our beliefs are determined by our personal needs, and whether or not these needs have been met. Most of this occurs deep within our subconscious minds, which means that we are generally not aware of the influence these unconscious beliefs and thoughts have on our life circumstances and choices. Unless we are willing to do the personal work to surface our unconscious beliefs and thoughts about ourselves and the world around us, we cannot be open to positive change in our lives. Have a look at this great article from the American Express open forum called The neuroscience of change - how to reset the brain?

Change always begins with yourself

Instead of viewing change as an external event affecting your life, it is better to ask ‘how did I play a part in creating this scenario? This awareness will ensure that you are always accountable to your own part in things. This mentality ensures that you are always accountable and aware of your own actions, thoughts and attitudes, and the part they play in creating your current reality.

When is the best time to make a change?

The best time to make productive and healthy changes in your life is when you still have the emotional, mental and physical resources to do so. So often we let things get too bad before we decide to do something about it. We often have to experience serious consequences before we get shocked into change mode. We are often sapped and depleted by our extenuating circumstances, such that we do not possess the energy and motivation to follow through with our now urgent change requirement. This makes us revert back to old ways because the change seems too hard to handle or manage. This happens when we are avoidant and in denial about change. This is the reactive approach which almost never succeeds. 

If you have done the personal work required in defining your proactive plan for change, then you can begin to implement purposeful and constructive changes in your life at a much earlier point in your life, before they become huge, glaring problems. Instead of hiding in your comfort zone till the last minute, you now have the benefit of considered awareness about what you need to change and why? 

As I previously said, the best time to make a change is when you have the necessary energy and resources to do so. Don’t let your current circumstances suck you dry before you start looking for a paddle! I have been studying a model called the Sigmoid Curve which is a cycle used to explain how change occurs and manifests over time (the S curve). This universal life curve suggests that there are definitely better times to consider change change than others. Here is a short insert from an article by Brett L Simmons who describes the Sigmoid curve as follows: (The sigmoid curve and the paradox of change)

Things start slow in the beginning. For a while it may even seem like we made a bad decision or started down the wrong path. Then at point A, things start to take off. From point A to point B is a period of accelerating growth and performance. But at point B, we begin to experience the asymptotic limits to growth. And by point C, we experience the pain of inevitable decline. If we wait until point C or even point B to realize that what we are doing will no longer work, we face tremendous hardship and competitive peril.

Luckily, there is life beyond the curve. The secret to constant growth is to start a new sigmoid curve before the first one peters out. The right place to start that second curve is at a point where there is time, as well as the resources and energy, to get the new curve through its initial explorations and floundering before the first curve begins to dip downward (p.51)

But there is paradox of change here

The paradox is that at the point where we NEED to be changing and switching to new ways or routines that will take us to the future, all the messages from our environment are sending us the exact OPPOSITE message – look how great we are, folks can’t get enough of what we are doing, there is no end in sight!

Conclusion

Making the right changes in your life comes down to how well you are aware of your own needs and wants in life. Do you know where you are headed? Do you know what you want? If you don’t know then it is very likely that you will also be unclear about what changes to pursue with purpose in your life. Before changes can be made you need to answer these questions for yourself.

What isn’t working for me in my life?

What is working?

What do I need to change?

What it is that I want from my life?

What beliefs, attitudes and behaviours are not serving me in my life?

What beliefs, attitudes and behaviours do I desire?

How do I replace old destructive narratives with new proactive ones which address my personal goals?

What is my vision for the future?

What are the practical steps i need to take to re-enforce and support my vision for the future? (daily / weekly / monthly)

The best time to consider making a change in your life is when you have considered honest answers to these questions. It is in answering these questions that you can begin to establish a clear and compelling case for personal change and transformation.

Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. (George bernard Shaw)