When Being Right Isn’t the Most Important Thing (How prioritising being right can undermine new relationships)

Originally posted on my Substack

?? Greetings, it’s Michael. Today, we’re diving into a hard truth: being right doesn’t always mean winning. Let’s break down why insisting on your correctness can sometimes cost you more than it’s worth.

Meeting New People

You meet someone new.?

You’re getting on famously, the conversation is flowing - work, hobbies, upcoming? holidays. Then, that topic comes up.?

The topic that you feel really rather strongly about.?

Without hesitating, you launch into a passionate speech about how it’s the most important thing and why it’ll improve everyone’s life, right now.?

Sure, you know you’re right. But suddenly, no one likes you.

Strong Opinions Aren’t for New (Potential) Friends

New friends don’t want strong opinions.?

What they want is easy chat. To feel good socialising. To feel like they’ve been listened to. A fun time that they leave, feeling satisfied.?

What they don’t want is a strong opinion. It causes friction.?

We all have a strong opinion about something. And I’m not talking about politics or religion. It could be “running is the best form of exercise” or “nowhere is better to holiday than Spain”.

You want to help them right??

To tell them how great your thing is, how much it’ll improve their lives. Actually, it’s your life’s purpose to educate them on why you are right. They need to understand.?

And you need to make them.

But what if their thing is cycling, and they’re as passionate about it as you are about running? And Greece is the land of milk and honey.

So, what is your impassioned speech doing?

Insisting on the superiority of your world view. Running is superior to cycling. Spain is superior to Greece. And these things mean something to this new friend.?

They don’t want to be told they’re inferior.?

Insisting on Being Right Breeds Ill Will

Ok, so running is your thing.?

You run every day, read all the magazines and compete regularly. Everyone should run, as much (if not more than) you. It’ll change their lives. For the better, of course.?

You want to help.?

Suddenly, your mind, body, and soul become possessed by the will of the running gods, empowering you with the energy to evangelise on behalf of this great pastime.??

You are helping.?

But, you’re not. Your new friend is a keen cyclist. They just told you. They don’t want to hear how what you love is great. And what they love is shit (or at least second place).

It doesn’t help. In fact, it comes across as:

• Self-serving: You’re positioning yourself as the expert, the one with the “superior” knowledge.
• Annoying: Even if your intent is good, people don’t like being told that their interests are inferior to yours.

Now, you’re wondering why your new friend is pulling back—or, worse, getting irritated. Suddenly, your new friend isn’t as interested in building that connection.

Control the Urge to Be Right

I know you want to be right.?

That’s because I want to be right too. As does your new friend. And everyone else. It’s not something to be ashamed of. It means you’re human.?

But there’s a time and a place to be right.?

And it’s not when you meet a new friend for the first time. It’s later, when you know someone better. And when you’re asked (or at least when it comes up).?

Pushing too hard is disrespectful.?

For both parties. Your new friend, who doesn’t want to be evangelised about running (or whatever). And you, who’ll feel humoured and dismissed (or ignored).

Why This Matters (to Me)

I used to do this. A lot.?

I couldn’t understand why people would pull away or argue when I knew I was offering something amazing.?

But I’ve learned from my mistakes.?

Now, I keep conversations with new people light and non-controversial. And life is better for it. I have fun when meeting new people, rather than everyone feeling disrespected.?

I know it’s hard to admit this to yourself.?

It took me a while to do it. I didn’t mean any harm (and neither do you). We are just excited to share something great.?

That’s why I’m patient when someone does this to me.?

And that’s why I’m writing this for you. So you don’t end up feeling the frustration I used to feel.

Will you make the same mistake, or learn from it like I did?