When bad news hits, do this:

You know those mornings where you wake up and everything seems sweet??

One minute you’re scrolling your inbox, getting ready for the day ahead, sipping tea…

And then BAM! An email ambush.?

SURPRISE!?

Suddenly, a team member has resigned on you.?

Or maybe there's some other bad news. Something that you thought was going to happen, a sale you were sure you had in the bag, the house, the car… it didn’t go through.?

Whatever it is, it gives you a bit of a shock.?

You feel yourself contract. Every muscle in your body clenches. And all of a sudden you can't think properly.?

All you want to do is reply, quickly.

Try to fix this thing, because we can't leave untied knots, right? We have to tie up everything and finish it now.?

You want it over so you can go back to feeling normal again, right? So you can get on with your day. You don’t want to feel the pain of it sitting in your thoughts ALL day. Just screaming at you.

And so here you are trying to start your day, and you’re a hot panicking mess. Your thoughts are swirling, your heart is racing, your palms are sweaty.?

You're acting from a place of fear. What then happens is all the other past experiences of fear then start to collide in this very moment. You have to get back to this person. Right. Now.?

You're not thinking straight.?

And even if you decide that you won't reply to the email right now, it’s all you can think about.?

ALL morning. And it's really stressing you out.

When you're with the kids you're not present. When you get to work, it's constantly at the back of your head until you actually do something about it. Until you respond, get a reply, or move it in the direction that you want to move it in.

So, here's the thing.?

When this happens, when you are in this frazzled state, do not act and make decisions from that place.?

Now, you could try to reframe it.?

And you know, reframing is an amazing tool. You can reframe whatever is happening in your head right now. You can use thought to rationalise. To create a more positive story.

But what you really need to do is go beyond the mind to actually find the source of real wisdom in your body.?

See, you already know the answer to whatever is troubling you. The resolution to the situation. The best way to handle it.?

What you want to do is actually go in there, get really quiet and meditate.?

When I meditate, I try to get out of my own way. It’s hard sometimes! But I persist and try to move beyond all the crazy thoughts. I simply sit there, focus on my breath and watch the swirling patterns of my mind as it goes crazy for a bit. Until at some stage, the thoughts start to get a little quieter and I can observe little gaps of nothingness. Space in my mind.?

And often, I’ll move my body too, either before or after I meditate, so that I can get out of my head and tap into the body’s wisdom. So I can reset myself and get the energy moving out of my head and into the body where it needs to be for me to calm down.

After these two things, I always feel better. About any situation, no matter how stressful it was at first glance.

Then I start to operate from a place of calm. Of fullness. Of trust, that everything is going to work out just fine. Not fear or scarcity.

Because when you react like that first thing in the morning, you're reacting from fear. From fight or flight. It’s very primal.?

But in reality, it’s not usually a real threat that’s coming at us. It’s a challenge, sure, but there’s no wild beast about to eat your family. You're reacting from an imaginary place - all the things that may go wrong in the future.

Those are the stories that you spun for yourself that have not even happened yet!

Then what happens, is you bring all of that into the decision making process. Do you reckon that's a good decision you're going to make?

So, next time this happens. Next time you feel this kind of fear in your body because something takes you by surprise.?

Stop.?

Get really still. Get present, and say to yourself,?

In this moment, I can figure it out.?

In this moment. I will not let my brain start to manipulate me by going back to the past, and telling me about all the bad things that happened way back and let that influence this situation, or go to the future, and start to create a story of impending doom.?

In this moment, I will just come back into presence, and I know that I'm stronger and wiser than I'm giving myself credit for right now.’

So, wherever it is, WHOEVER it is that’s ambushing you right now, let's try to take back control and come from a clear and calm place of compassion.?

From the body.?

From the heart.?

Not from our fearful little heads.?

That's it. So easy, right? It's just about practice.?

And as with any skill that doesn’t come naturally, you just gotta practise, practise and practise some more.

And you know what? When we turn around and look at the situations we're avoiding. That we're concerned about, the things that make us afraid. When we can turn those things around and say ‘Bring it on!’?

That’s how we build muscle.

Because I know that every single time I face something like this head on, it's going to help me get more resilient.?

It's going to help me practice how to deal with the next challenge life throws my way.

The more practice you have, the stronger and more confident you become. That’s how you become truly unf*ckwithable.

Love,

Fern

P.S. See me LIVE in person teaching a full day event in Ottawa, Canada!!

https://owdscfernwhite.eventbrite.ca