What's Your Story?

I started working with a client recently who was a people pleaser and always gave in to other people's needs – even if this meant being unhappy themselves. “The trouble is,” they said, “I'm weak and always opt for the path of least resistance”. As a coach, I noticed straight away a major flaw in the way they were thinking. Let me unpack that.

First of all, “I'm weak” is an identity statement, it speaks to who they are, not simply to a behaviour – what they do or have done. Secondly, the word “always” is a universal statement, meaning that they are applying what comes after it (“opt for the path of least resistance”) to every scenario and every context in their life. Thirdly, putting all this together it becomes the story that they are telling themselves about themselves – their ‘life narrative’ which they subconsciously reinforce over and over and live by on a daily basis. Of course, this whole narrative runs as a mental movie in their mind, compounding the problem and making their lives miserable.

As a coach, recognising the subtleties of a client’s subconscious internal representations and internal dialogues and narratives is what I do. So, the answer is simple right?... just change the movie and change the narrative? Well, yes and no. Yes in the respect of changing the narrative and mental movie will change their experience. But no because buried beneath that narrative and movie will be a lot of firmly held values, beliefs, concepts, ideologies, and a whole host of other thoughts and feelings which need to be unpacked, examined ecologically, and taken into consideration before genuine, long lasting, transformative change can happen in a person's life.

So what things do you consistently tell yourself that are unuseful and that hold you back? If you're struggling to understand why you have habits, thoughts, or beliefs that don't serve you, contact me and arrange for coaching towards transformative change in your life – Skype, Zoom, and in person coaching options available.