What's Your Program?

Childhood for all of us is a very significant time irrespective of whether when you look back at it you consider you have had a good childhood, or a not so good one.

It’s significant because what you are exposed to, or experience in your childhood on a regular basis, constructs your vision of the world and what you see as ‘normal.’

You see, as a child whatever you are exposed to regularly enough is or becomes, what is normal to you.

Maybe you have a friend who frequently engages in destructive behaviour. Or maybe you work with a client who repeatedly chooses to do things that are harmful, or that does not serve him or her.

Yet although you point this out to them they either fail to see it and argue vehemently that there’s nothing wrong with what they’re doing, or acknowledge it, but are simply unable to stop themselves from repeating their program over and over again.

We probably all know people who have been exposed to adverse childhood experiences, such as substance abuse or domestic abuse as a child repeatedly, such that it is now woven into the fabric of who they are. To the extent that they take it for granted and cannot see the harm caused by it.

Were you to ask those adults, if as children, they were scared on first observing their parent or parents engaging in domestic abuse, they would likely report that they never were.

But we know that when a child who has not been exposed to violence sees it for the first time they are terrified.

Due to constant exposure to it over and over again children become influenced by it, to the extent that it eventually becomes a habitual part of their life.

This is why it is vital to be vigilant in connection with the environment our children, or the children we are working with are exposed to.

Often people who have experienced numerous abusive incidents will make remarks such as: “it never did me any harm.” And they will express their view with such conviction that it will be hard not to believe that they know what they are talking about.

However, if you take the time to really consider what they are saying and the way they behave you will realise that their argument is not sound. If you are accustomed to being around violence from your earliest years, it will have rubbed off on you and you will likely deal with any conflict in a violent or hostile manner.

To say it never did you any harm makes no real sense because if you are programmed to behave violently, it is only a matter of time before you encounter others equally as violent or come into contact with the police. Either way, to argue that it caused you no harm is frankly nonsense.

It not only causes you harm, but it causes harm to others. The reason why people make those kind of statements is because they have already been influenced long ago by the environment they have grown up in or become accustomed to. By the time they have become used to it they are already highly influenced by it and so cannot appreciate that they have already been affected by the environment they’ve been exposed to.

Whatever you have been exposed to consistently as a child, be it negative or positive will show up in your life. What needs to be borne in mind is that we are creatures of habit and we learn and are influenced by what we do repetitively until it becomes second nature to us.

The problem arises when you have had negative experiences that influence your life that you are either not aware of or choose not to improve by engaging in work to heal yourself or by gaining professional help.

Sadly most people never choose to address issues from their childhood, failing to recognise that what we learnt as a young child we can change and relearn and in so doing improve the quality of our adult life.