What’s your North Star, and why should you care?

When clients come to me with feelings of overwhelm, frustration, or a sense of feeling stuck, we very often discover that they are operating primarily in what I call "reaction mode" -?focussed on trying to deal with the problems and challenges of the day, instead of intentionally making progress towards a future that really matters to them.

They are often extremely good at this, having built entire careers around solving whatever fire happens to be burning in the forest at that moment. But they are also left with feelings of frustration, purposelessness, emptiness, and a sense of not really going anywhere meaningful with their lives and careers.

I also call this "monster fighting mode". No matter how good we are at fighting all the monsters that show up day to day, if we don't ultimately know what we are fighting them for, and what destination lies on the other side, then, at some point, we start burning out.

The solution, as Victor Frankl pointed out as far back as 1946, is to have some kind of North Star, a reason or bigger purpose for doing what we do. Simon Sinek calls this our “Why”.

As humans, we don't do very well if we don’t feel connected to a deeper meaning in our lives.

How do I find my Noth Star?

The first step to getting out of “reaction mode" and reconnecting to your authentic Why is to sit down and figure out what really, truly, matters to you. And I mean *you*, not your family, friends, or boss. This can’t be someone else’s reason. Someone else’s reasons exhaust us. Own own reasons inspire us.

So ask yourself: What do you want your life to be about? What do you want to be remembered for? What would you love to create or be? What would you like people to say about you decades from now when your children's children are telling stories about you to their children?

I see a huge difference in the levels of happiness, clarity, fulfilment, focus, and energy between the people who consciously create their lives based on the answers to these questions, and take consistent action towards them, and those who don't. Without this North Star, it’s easy for us to get distracted by all the things that are urgent to others, but not truly important to us.

If we live our lives in this unfocused reaction mode based on what other people want with no clear sense of what matters to us and where we are going, then, nothing, in my experience, can ultimately compensate for the emptiness we feel as a result.

On the other hand, if we get clear on where we’re going and why we deeply, truly care about going there, then the daily monsters that we have to fight become simply a part of the adventure of getting there.

To clarify your North Star, explore your Values

One of the techniques that professional coaches use to help their clients clarify their North Star move towards it is called values work. We sit down and explore why some experiences and aspects of our lives feel truly important and meaningful to us, and then figure out how to apply those insights to other areas of our life more consciously.

I often think of this as plugging a lightbulb into a power socket. If we aren’t plugged into our values, life can feel pretty dim. If we are, we shine.

Here’s an example of how to do this:

Take a moment to think about a job, hobby, or project that gave you a deep sense of happiness and fulfilment. That you loved doing. That gave you energy.

Now, ask yourself: What was it about that, specifically, that made it so meaningful to me? What were the core ingredients of that experience that turned me on?

Similarly, think of a friend that you love seeing, who always leaves you feeling great about yourself and your life. What is it about your interaction with them that makes you so happy every time you meet?

The answers that you come up with reflect your core values.

Some examples of values that people discover when they do this kind of work include Creativity, Making A Difference, Connection, Impact, Being Seen, Being Appreciated, Contributing, Connection, Building Something, etc.

Notice that these are not specific projects, actions, or events. They are abstract qualities that *underlie* the projects, actions, and events that feel meaningful to us. And that’s great, because it means that we can apply these abstract qualities to any area of our lives.

Your North Star, that thing that big goal that you want to move towards, will be built up of these core values.

When you create a picture of what's next in your life, be sure to check that it includes as many of these values as possible. You will know that you're getting it right when you feel a sense of excitement, aliveness, and maybe even a some fear, when you describe it to yourself.

How aligned is your life with your core values right now?

If you feel that your life is currently not not feeling fulfilling, joyful, or meaningful, check your values to see how many might be missing from what you're doing, who you’re spending your time with, or what you’re trying to achieve.

It's not enough just to have a goal like "build a product that generates a million dollars in revenue". That’s a fine goal, but you also need to know *why* that matters to *you*, personally. The goal needs to be authentic. If it isn’t, you're going to feel the impact of that. And you can only run on empty for so long.

A lot of people feel that they have a sense of what matters to them, but then don’t ensure that their day-to-day work is in alignment with that.

Ultimately, burnout is an absence of meaning, not energy.

Creating a life that is in alignment with who you are, by discovering your core values and defining a North Star that you can intentionally walk towards every day, is the single best way I've found to reconnect with a sense of passion, purpose, joy, and energy in our lives. I’ve seen it totally transform people.

I invite you, over the next week, to spend some time reflecting on what your own core values might be, and what North Star you can create for yourself based on them. Also spend some time reflecting on how aligned your current life is with those core values and that North Star. Finally, ask yourself: What could I do in the next few days to start moving my life, even just a little bit, towards that?

Starting to intentionally move towards our North Star even in small ways can unleash tremendous amounts of inspiration, energy, and creativity.

If you are curious to explore your own core values and North Star with me in the context of a coaching conversation, schedule a call with me any time .