What's Your Most Common Communication Challenge?

Given that we communicate every day and have even before we learned to speak, it should be as easy as blinking our eyes.?Yet, each of us has at least one of the following common communication challenges.?

Yesterday I facilitated a communications workshop, and everyone shared their most significant communication challenges. This post is an overview of many of the ideas we shared.

Giving criticism or confronting people.

One of the best books on the subject is?Crucial Conversations.?Focus on criticizing the behavior, not the person. See yourself as a coach or an ally.?

We owe it to others to let them know where they stand and help them grow. Be the coach, not the cop.?

Standing your ground.

The next time you don't hold your ground and leave a conversation saying to yourself, "What I should have said," remember it and commit to saying it in a similar situation.?

Also, be prepared to say, "It's fine that you disagree with me, but I don't deserve to be treated this way. I will get back to you when I'm ready to respond and you're prepared to listen, not criticize."?

Staying in Touch.

In my twenties, I decided to take 100% responsibility for staying in touch with the people I most care about.?I look at it the same as having a garden that must be nourished. We're all busy, and it's easy to let friendships die over time. With social media, staying in touch is easier than ever, especially on birthdays and special events. Whenever I drive to buy groceries, I call my sister or a friend I've known for fifty years. It's a ritual I cherish.

Doing things myself is easier.

Delegate, but don't abdicate. We only have so much bandwidth. Teaching is front-end loaded, and it empowers those we trust. Depending on our responsibilities, for example, if you're an entrepreneur or manager, it may take a village.?You cannot scale without the support of others. Focus on your Zone of Genius and let others focus on theirs, and lift the load from your shoulders.

Getting to the point.

Recently I coached someone who struggled to get to the point - it's a sign of insecurity and causes others to stop listening. Make a habit of pausing, thinking about what you want to say, and say it once and STOP.

A friend shared a story about the great jazz legends?John Coltrane and Miles Davis?performing together. Coltrane expressed his frustration on how to finish a song.?

Davis stared at him and said:?"Take your horn out of your mouth. Sometimes the solution is to start by getting to the point and then shutting up."

Dealing with emotions.

Warren Buffett has said that the best advice he ever received was to wait 24 hours before responding to something that upset him. I've embraced this approach, and it's given me the time to let my emotions pass and focus on what I really want to achieve. In communications, we hear something, tell ourselves a story, and our body responds to the story before our mind does. If we pause and let the emotion pass, we will respond more appropriately.

Also, our?IQ drops 15% when we're angry;?anger rarely serves us well.?

Being diplomatic.

If someone feels attacked, they won't hear you. If you pride yourself on telling it like it is, please remember, "Honesty without compassion is cruelty."?

I frequently share the Maya Angelou quote:?"People may not remember what you say, but they remember how they make you feel."

Communicating with superiors.

Communication is a two-way street. If communicating with your superiors is an issue, please know they WANT your feedback.?Feedback is the fuel of understanding.?Or follow up a meeting with your thoughts in writing.?

Great leaders are great communicators and listeners and lead best by their ability to influence and motivate.

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