What’s your go-to tool when you’re trying to get motivated?
Starr Sheppard-Decker
Leadership Training & Business Healing for Neurodivergent Healing Professionals with Integrity, Keynote Speaker, Event Facilitator, Published Author, Professional Vocalist, Spiritual Intuitive
For most of my life I’ve struggled with procrastination and task management. Can you relate?
In school I was the kid who would pass tests with flying colors - because I was always paying attention and wanted to understand what was being taught - but would constantly get in trouble for not completing my homework (and talking too much in class).
Especially after my first time going to Supercamp and learning cool techniques for note-taking and memorization, I didn’t see the point in all that busy work, even if it impacted my grade (and the punishments I got at home).
I also had undiagnosed ADHD, which meant my mom, grandma, and teachers kept trying to get me to approach getting stuff done THEIR way, which not only didn’t work but triggered my inner rebel that stood up in a “you can’t make me” kinda way.
Because of this inner rebel, and my inability to do things a neurotypical way, I had so much shame around procrastination and not being able to complete tasks or follow through on goals.
Even in the spiritual community and business communities I participated in, there was this underlying assumption that my struggles were some lack of maturity on my part, and that I just needed to “grow up” and “get my shit together.”
Thankfully, I eventually managed to attract a different kind of help…
I still remember where I was sitting during the call, and which way I was facing when it hit me.
It had been at least a year into my DIY Marketing Membership, founded and led by the brilliant Veronika (aka Ronnie) Noize (also a rebel at heart), and we were on one of the monthly coaching calls included in the membership. I was really struggling with myself, because of certain activities I just couldn’t get myself to do, followed by heavy judgment about who I was as a person and leader and business owner.
Thankfully, this wasn’t Ronnie’s first rodeo, and she asked some great questions. She began with inquiry regarding how I generally go about “changing my habits.” I had never thought about this before, and I recall answering something like, “Well, I usually get really excited about the new thing, dive right in and do it whole-heartedly at first, fall off the wagon within days, then beat myself up about it, and then can never get myself to do the thing again.”
Sound familiar?
Well, after years of hiring coaches and healers for my own personal and business growth, I was expecting the usual response: something like pity, laced with encouragement to change, mixed with doubt-filled suggestions as to what I should do instead. To my heart’s surprise, I received something else entirely.
Ronnie, without skipping a beat, responded with something like, “I thought so, yeah, you’re a rebel.”
She then went on to explain what she meant by this, describing not just the struggles, but the upsides to being a rebel as well. She introduced me to the work of Gretchen Rubin, and encouraged me to take her Four Tendencies quiz to confirm what we both already knew. (which you can take here: https://gretchenrubin.com/quiz/the-four-tendencies-quiz/)
I was going to say more about this exchange, but I think I’ll let my past self do the talking on this one. Here’s my email to Ronnie from September, 2015:
Hi Ronnie!
I've been writing this in my head for a week now, and figure it is time to sit down and get it out!
I want you to know how much the call with you impacted me last week (in fact, I'm tearing up right now just thinking about it!). It was one of those moments where you don't realize how badly you want/need something until you get it.
As you can imagine, my "rebellious nature" has been the topic of many discussions my entire life. From parents to teachers to peers to mentors, all have noticed this tendency, and all have pointed it out with a sense of “poor, rebellious Starr." Even my most recent mentors through the spiritual community who have helped lift me out of so much..... I can tell their assumption is that if I could just get over this whole rebel thing, my life would be much better and easier. And I'll admit, I have agreed - which is part of why I get hard on myself (I recall asking you once to kick my ass, and you didn't! Thanks for that, too!) when my rebellion is really kicking in.
What was so moving for me - and so profound - last week, was that when you brought up that I'm a rebel, I heard NO tone of "poor Starr" or condescension or attempt to fix it. All I heard was an acceptance of who I am, and a genuine desire to help me work WITH me instead of against me. I cannot tell you how huge this is. I cannot explain to you the sense of relief of being SEEN with an eye of understanding and appreciation rather than "I know what'll fix that." It helped me realize that my signature talk is really going to be about feeling broken or like there is something fundamentally wrong with us, because I know I'm not the only one.
Tears of joy and release and relief and of gratitude run down my face. I'm so so so grateful that the Universe crossed our paths and that I've stuck around DIY even when I've felt like I wasn't good enough to do so. Thank you so much for what you do for everyone all the time, and especially what you did for me in that one moment of recognition. I'm pretty sure it changed my life.
Nearly a decade later, and I’m here to confirm: it really did.
When you know and understand and accept and appreciate who you truly are, instead of wishing you were someone else or thinking you can be, life becomes lighter and more enjoyable.
You become more resilient and flexible. You feel more comfortable in your skin. And leading yourself and your business is an experience of flow and freedom instead of like you’re banging your head against a wall.
At my upcoming 2-day event, Flow & Freedom Leadership Retreat, I’ll be presenting a bunch of practical tips to both work with yourself and how you ACTUALLY are, and to motivate yourself into action, shame-free.
Because since then I have been helping my own clients and members in the way Ronnie helped me, and I love seeing that wave of relief wash over people as they realize there’s nothing wrong with them, and they can find a way that works FOR them.
Does this resonate? Are you ready to put the stick of shame down that you’ve been beating yourself with?
If so, I want to invite you to join me for this two-day experience on Thursday & Friday Oct 24th & 25th at the Jupiter Hotel in Portland, Oregon!
[for social posts, end here with: comment below if you’d like me to dm you with more details]
Here’s the details:
Learn more and register at https://bit.ly/flowfreedom24