What’s your excuse?
Recently, I met a group of friends over coffee. In the midst of our conversations, from our college days to our lives today, we all were enjoying being together. Then suddenly, two of my friends had an argument. To my surprise, the one with the inadequate behavior was being protected by others and given an escape boat with statements like “you shouldn’t have said that you know how he is”, “there is a way to deal with his attitude”. The statements were made with an intention to make peace; however, it made me realize that we all have our escape boats ready to take off whenever we are in an uncomfortable situation. We also call it the ‘benefit of doubt’, ‘excuses to justify our actions’ etc. Somehow, the meek is expected to adjust and the loud is given the escape route.
We are expected to find ways to deal with this kind of personality type who takes refuge in “This is how I am”. What is actually being said here is “I can’t help it” or “I have no desire to change this side of mine”.
Self- acceptance is important but using this as a manipulation tool is harmful for yourself and others.
So, when do we use these escape boats:
- When we get confronted about our insecurities and hidden fears
- When we feel threatened
- When we lack flexibility
- When we are used to self doubt and self victimization
And so on...
And how can we avoid using them:
- Open communication - preferably one to one
- Be more conscious and mindful of your behavior- identify the patterns and keep reminding yourself
- Desire to change-be the change
- Think more rationally- have a balanced perspective
There’s no doubt about how people have different personality types and how each individual reacts differently to different situations. However, it is important for each one of us to be able to identify and regulate our natural reflexes, thoughts and emotions to situations at hand in a more appropriate manner.
A balance of ‘self-awareness, self- acceptance and desire to be better’ is the key to transformation.
So next time, before we hop on to our escape boats or try to justify someone else’s behavior, just breathe, think whether this is even required and remind yourself of the change you want to bring.
Do you find yourself using escape boats? If yes, then what do you do to avoid them?