What's Wrong With Women?

By: Lindy Earl

Yes, you read that correctly. Please know that I’m not judging, but I am wondering. Sadly, other peoples’ behavior is affecting me and the way I’m treated in the dating world.

I do have to wonder what has happened to our world when people are behaving the way they are. Yes, I am specifically thinking about divorced women but I have seen this interesting behavior in married women and never married women so I guess it’s all of us.

First of all, I do not see a reason for any woman to ever be insecure or lack confidence. We are pretty amazing people! If you think about everything you’ve accomplished, and you normally do it with a smile on your face no matter how you’re feeling, you’ll understand why you should be confident and secure. You are kind, thoughtful, compassionate, caring, and so much more! You put the needs of others before your own. It actually feels awkward to accept help when it is offered, and it has to be offered because you wouldn’t ask for it. If we do accept the help of friends and loved ones it makes us feel uncomfortable. We are simply used to being the giver so it feels odd to be the receiver.

This is wrong! We have spent our lives giving and it’s okay for us to be on the receiving end once in a while. That does not mean we should start being jerks and taking advantage of every opportunity. I’m just saying, it is perfectly okay to be the recipient once in a while. This is why I asked the question, what is wrong with women? Why can’t we give ourselves the same grace we give others?

I have spoken with so many women, because of my writing and advising, who simply perplex me. Financially these women are strong. They have made good decisions. They are disciplined and have said no to themselves when it was necessary. They know to look at the big picture and have a long-term view of circumstances, including their finances. Congratulations! That money that you carefully stewarded is for you. It is not to give away to any other person and especially not somebody you met on a dating site. We have all heard the horror stories of women sending money to scammers. It’s horrific. Beyond that, I know women who are just too willing to support men in other ways.

I don’t know any good reason that somebody in rural America doesn’t have a car or a driver’s license. Yes, we know the sad stories, and I hope those challenges are dealt with maturely. What I don’t understand is why great women who are willing, even more than happy, to go to the men. The women will provide the meal as well. I know women who will pay for the first date if the guy says that he doesn’t get paid until the following Friday. My suggestion is to wait until he’s paid to meet. If you’re buying him dinner at this point then where is this going to go? He’s a taker from the very beginning. Does this sound like a good beginning for a strong and healthy relationship?

Let’s talk about sex. I do have to wonder what is wrong with the dating world when it comes to sex. I know of too many situations where there was sex on the first date, even if it was their first meeting. I understand chemistry, but some discipline may come in handy here. If he’s that into you, he’ll call again.

What I have heard from guys, point blank, is that they will never get serious about a woman who has sex on the first date. Yes, I know there are exceptions, but this is what I have been told by more than one man. It’s a lose-lose situation. You give a piece of your soul away, and I do believe every time you sleep with somebody it costs you a little piece of your soul, they have a great time whether or not they take care of you (sorry this is so graphic), and they are gone because they figure if you would sleep with them on the first date then you would sleep with other guys on the first date as well. It may not even be true but this is what the men are telling me.

Coming back to my question, what is wrong with women, I have to wonder why women are so disrespecting of themselves and their bodies that they would do this? No matter how long it’s been, and how much you miss sex, and how you are feeling at the moment, it is just not a good idea to sleep with somebody on a first date.

Please know that I am not judging. There seem to be two extremes here. There are the women who say straight up front there is no sex without a ring--then I hear them complain about not being able to find anyone to date. I think the men who are willing to give somebody a ring before any physical attention at all are still married to their first wives of 35 years.

The second extreme are ones that we’ve discussed, who are too quick to sleep with somebody. In my experience, I often find that some women believe if a man sleeps with them then the men will stay. If you think about it, these women are using sex as a weapon, to get and keep a man. How long can a relationship last if it’s predicated on sex alone? If you spend time together, and have great commonalities and communication, then allow the sex, you have a much better foundation for a lasting relationship.

I was speaking with a friend in another state recently and asked, is this really what dating is in today’s world? The meeting and sex come first and then the relationship is built. To me that’s backwards. She said, sadly, yes, that’s exactly what she sees. She doesn’t agree with it either but she shared that’s what she has found as well.

So I don’t know what’s wrong with women, or society, that has allowed us to get here. I do know some ways to change it. I do think women need to create a whole new level of self-respect for themselves. Recognize how fabulous you are and that any guy you decide to go out with is lucky to have you. If he ever acts like you’re the lucky one, then walk out on the date. I think we’ve been trained to be kind and supportive and always meet people more than halfway so that precludes the idea of walking out in the middle of a date. I say stop that. Be willing to walk as soon as he starts being inappropriate. I do not need to hear some of the things that I have heard even before a first date. If that’s how you’re treating me now it’s only going to get worse. Know your standards and stick to them.

Now that you’ve decided to always treat yourself with respect, put it into action. This means when somebody says something inappropriate or makes a pass at you that you block it. Does it mean that some guys won’t call for a second date? Yes it does. That’s perfectly fine. Those are not quality men and we don’t need them. Does it mean spending weekend nights alone? Maybe, but isn’t that preferable to being with the wrong guy who just wants to be friends with benefits?

Continuing with what to do, you need to communicate your new standards openly. Tell your girlfriends, your married friends, and any guy who approaches you that you expect to be treated with respect. If that’s a problem for anybody than wave goodbye in the rearview mirror. Of course, you will be gentle and kind when sharing this information. It’s not a dare, it’s communication.

I’m really not judging anybody here but I am questioning what has happened to our society. If you look back to writings and movies from the 1950s it was clear that the women were the fairer sex, the gentle gender, and men esteemed ladies. And maybe that’s the word. Do we have more women today but fewer ladies? I encourage all of us to remember that we are ladies first and we simply expect to be treated as such by real gentlemen.?