What’s the Story that Holds You Back?

Yesterday, I had the privilege of facilitating “Shadow, Agency, and Growth,” an immersive learning series with Carol Gorelick, EdD, MBA . This simulation drew on the experiences of marginalized women who, having joined a prestigious firm, navigate a male-dominant team. Through this story, participants were invited to reflect on their reactions, consider how they might exercise their agency, and explore what might hold them back. Later on, I introduced my model, the “Circle of Flourishing Leadership,” sharing how I coached “Patricia” through her own journey toward flourishing as a leader.

Our conversation surfaced many powerful insights, and I'd like to share one in particular—the stories we tell ourselves. In my model of flourishing leadership, the core aspect I explore with clients is “Inner Capacity.” Inner Capacity is about knowing who you are and what you stand for. It involves recognizing, “Who am I truly?” beyond social roles and conditions that may confine you. This process includes identifying your core values, discerning when those values are challenged, and standing your ground. Clarity in one's identity and values establishes a firm foundation to build on. Without this clarity, we tend to approach life, work, and leadership inconsistently; these confusions show up in how we build relationships, pursue excellence, and achieve mastery in our performance. Therefore, a flourishing leadership journey, in my observation, starts with building Inner Capacity.

To strengthen Inner Capacity, we first need to uncover our present truth, also known as the stories we tell ourselves—stories that shape our behaviors and decisions. Most of us carry multiple internalized stories within our belief systems, which constantly impact how we interpret situations and make decisions. However, not every story is helpful or aligned with the direction we wish to take. I refer to these less-helpful (and sometimes destructive) narratives as our “Shadow.”

Each of us carries shadows—stories formed during formative milestones. At the time, these stories served us, but as life unfolds, some shadows may become limiting, blocking us from reaching our desired personal and professional destinations.

For instance, one shadow story I internalized when I was young was “Never challenge authority, or you’ll face consequences.” This belief helped me gain trust from teachers and adults, but as I moved into system-change work, it no longer served me. Today, I often need to challenge the status quo, foster diverse perspectives, help teams escape power struggles, and set boundaries to support my team. If I allowed this shadow story to remain, I wouldn’t be effective in my role. I appreciate that this story once served a purpose, but I have chosen to let it go. This transition isn’t immediate—it requires mindful practice to catch ourselves in moments, exercising agency to adopt a new, empowering story.

To shift our narrative, we need to be more intentional about asking questions that will help us dig deep:

• How is my inner story affecting the way I show up today?
• What new, empowering story could I embrace to serve my purpose more effectively?
• What metaphor might anchor me in this new story?

Choose a metaphor that resonates with your desired story, and use it as an anchor as you try on this new perspective. For me, the metaphor I chose as a challenger was the “Lion.” The bravery and strength the Lion exhibits resonated deeply with me, and whenever I felt the urge to revert to my old shadow story, I reminded myself of the image of the Lion and channeled that strength to face situations. Bit by bit, I am unlearning my shadow story and becoming closer to the image of the Lion that I aspire to embody.

This is the heart of the work I do with clients—uncovering shadows and transforming them into opportunities to craft empowering stories. By doing so, our agency and sense of power strengthen. We become more confident in navigating our chosen paths, finding peace in our resilience to handle periods of transition.

Now, I invite you to reflect:

1. What is your shadow story that holds you back?
2. How does this story impact you?
3. What will help you release it?
4. If you could choose a new, empowering story, what would it be, and what metaphor will anchor you in it?

May we shine a light on our shadows and rediscover our true potential.