What's the Story?

Hi there,

Who doesn’t love a good story? A great narrative is rewarding, right??

And it can be powerful.

When we are affected by a story it can stir emotion and drive our actions.?

Some of the most powerful stories are the ones we tell ourselves.

The ones formed through all of our thoughts; joining up as a narrative to help us make sense of the world.?

But, like any good yarn, we have to remember: this story might not be true. And what if it stirs our emotions and drives our actions in ways that are unhelpful to us?

Here's where a trick called De-fusion comes in handy. It's part of the skill set of Psychological Flexibility*.

You literally de-fuse from your thoughts. Separate yourself from your narrative so you can see it for what it really is.?I like to call it thought distancing, literally imagining a 2m distance between myself and my thoughts.

Want to try it?

Take a moment to notice what you are telling yourself about the events of the day so far. Maybe it's about an interaction you had. Or something that went wrong.?

Here are three things you can do to separate yourself from your thoughts:

1. Label your thoughts.

?? Pro-tip: Write down the thought, or say it out loud.

For example. “I’m frustrated that my presentation didn’t land well at our meeting”. Now, make a simple adjustment: “I’m having the thought that my presentation didn’t land well at our meeting”. See how that neutralises the story?

2. Take meaning away from the thoughts.?

?? Pro-tip: Say the thought out loud over and over again until it loses its meaning.

You might feel ridiculous, but that’s exactly the point: when it sounds silly, the power of the thought goes away.

3. Visualise the thoughts as separate from you.?

?? Pro-tip: Imagine the thoughts as passengers on a bus you are driving.

Yes, some of them are rowdy. But they are not you. So we don’t allow them to drive. They are simply taking a ride for a short time (and you have the power to politely thank them for coming on board and to step off at any time).

This is all about taking the heat out of unhelpful thoughts. We’re not denying that the thoughts are there, that the narrative exists. We’re not even trying to change anything about it.

We’re just allowing ourselves to separate from it, to remind ourselves that our thoughts aren’t always true. And they are definitely not always a call to action.?

So, take a moment now and ask yourself: what's the story?

And see if distancing yourself from any part of that story might help you move forward with your day.

Bye for now,

Erin

*Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a form of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) pioneered by Steven Hayes at the University of Nevada. Psychological Flexibility is the core skill taught in ACT.

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