What’s the opposite of “It costs nothing to be kind”?

At a conference this week, someone asked me if we did work with a particular company. I was honest and indicated that I wouldn't work with them because they had an executive who was mean to our team during an initial call a few years back.

I'm not sure if he got out of bed on the wrong side, if his shoes we too tight, or if his heart had shrunk three times... but he checked all the "mean" boxes.

It costs nothing to be kind.

It got me thinking about a lesson my mother-in-law told me about relationships. I had observed over and over how she always seemed to get what she wanted through relationships with others. When I asked her how she did it, she said. "It costs nothing to be kind".

I spent some time thinking about what "being kind" would look like. The following are a few examples I came up with in regard to ground rules for being kind:

• Be polite - Say please, have good manners, e.g. hold the door for the person behind you.
• Look for the positive - Always assume people have good intentions. Look for the best in people and situations.
• Be grateful - Say thank you when someone does something for you. Be appreciative of others.
• Have compassion - Recognize that others can be having a bad day. Have compassion and see if there is anything you can do to help.
• Compliment - if someone does something you appreciate, compliment them.
• Treat with care - Treat people, children, animals, and the environment with a sense of care and appreciation.
• Acknowledge - A greeting with a smile goes a long way. Don't underestimate the change you can make in someone else's day by wishing them a good morning.

At the end of the day, there is little or no cost or effort associated with doing any of the above examples.

What is the Opposite?

It got me thinking that there is an opposite to "It costs nothing to be kind."

I am guessing it would go something like this: "Being mean costs you more than you think."

Upon examination, the following are some of the areas where I suspect being mean could cost you:

• Wellbeing - Negative energy impacts your wellbeing. Several research studies show that having a negative attitude correlates with increased risks of heart problems, dementia, and high blood pressure.
• Financial/Career Success - When given the option to give a promotion or raise to two equally qualified candidates, who do you think would win out? The nice person... or the mean person? This can apply to any aspect of your career: applying for jobs, raises, promotions etc.
• Second-order relationships - People you don't know are judging you. When I see certain individuals treat other random people poorly, it is a red flag in my head that this person will treat me poorly when they don't "need" something from me.
• Law of Attraction - You attract into your life what you put out into the world. If you are mean and/or unfriendly, you will encounter more people in your world who are mean and unfriendly to you.
• Wasted Mental Energy - To be sarcastic, snarky, or rude it typically takes more brain cycles than just being nice. Instead of focusing on being mean, could you spend those cycles trying to figure out how to solve something important or beneficial to you and others?
• Little perks - When you are nice to random people, you will see others treat you better. Whether its the person at the coffee shop that upgrades your drink for free, or the usher at the basketball game that randomly upgrades you to courtside because you were nice to him.

Quantifying the Cost

Bringing it all back to the earlier story, the person who was not nice to my team is definitely missing out on a sizable chunk of revenue because I have been taking projects to their competitors and will not work with them. I suspect I am not the only business person from whom he may be losing business.

What is the actual cost of not being nice? I can't say for sure.. but I would guess that over a long enough period of time, it could result in millions of dollars of losses for any of us.

With the potential hidden costs (and the tangible costs), if you can be intentional about whether you are mean or nice... why would you choose to be mean?