What's Next?

Countless conversations. Countless meetings. Countless failures. Countless successes. Countless trips around the world. A career and a life that spans decades covers all of those. When I reconnected with an old friend last week, someone I have admired for decades, I was reminded how lucky I am to have her in my orbit.

Her tenacity, her wisdom, her kindness, her compassion, her values, her business sense, her faith - all so strong and amazing.

And all the while, taking no credit for any of it. Putting everyone else first. I'd print her name, but she is too humble to share. Another admirable quality. We laughed, we caught up, we cried. We even pondered what it really means to be retired. And then she asked me a question that took my breath away. Been thinking about it ever since. The question reminded me why I earned a coaching certification in the first place. I'm not her coach, I am her friend. As such, I previewed this with her to make sure I was not violating her confiding in me. All clear.

Pace of Grace

When you spend 40 years in corporate America, regardless of the market sector, as a working mama, and corporate executive, you develop habits, brain tricks, coping mechanisms to keep everything running forward as smoothly as possible. Literally running for 40 years or more. I am in no way slamming male executives, and I am in every way celebrating female executives for that 'hidden' workload that so few talk about.

And when a type 'A' female executive retires, rewiring that brain is not as easy as one might think.

She used to call me the 'duck.' Why? Because nothing rattled me, at least not on the surface. I made sure everyone had everything they needed, like a duck floating along a crystal-clear pond, while underneath the surface I was paddling for dear life trying to make sure I didn't 'mess up' or fail. And if you have read my three-part series prior (From Burned Out to Lit Up), you know how that story ended - major health crisis. Major life pivot.

The reality is that she was queen of the ducks. I thought I knew her well, but she shared a few things on that reconnection call that I had no idea were happening in the background. So caught up in my own drama, I wasn't a very good friend, as I should have noticed all those subtleties. It caused me to respect and admire her even more.

Contributor or Consumer

Back to the question that caused me to pause. She asked it for herself and for me, a reflection of sorts. Not exactly sure why it hit me so hard, but I do have an inkling.

As my beautiful and thoughtful friend asked, 'at what point am I a consumer versus a contributor, and do I want to stay that way?' Ms. Martini, (my long-time nickname for her), and I had similar upbringings.

We were the first generation in our families to earn college degrees, to land corporate roles, to travel the world, and to provide for our families.

We both wore it as a badge of honor. We both have (or had) the thought that this is truly the definition of 'contribution.' Contributing meant adding a paycheck. Period. Never mind the fact that we also both raised children, managed finances, saved for retirement, took care of spouses, volunteered, sat on boards, planned every detail of life, all the things on top of working corporate jobs. Those little things couldn't possibly be considered 'contributions,' could they? Hmmmmmm......Is this what they refer to as the secret hidden or second workload? Maybe.

Make no mistake, retirement is not rosebuds and lollipops. Health becomes a priority, often an urgent priority, even for those who take good care of themselves along the way. And the depression rate often skyrockets during this life shift. However, giving yourself the grace, the time, the laughter, and the tears, are all a part of redefining what adventure is next. And I absolutely know that Ms. Martini has a great adventure ahead of her, as she truly is world class in every sense of the phrase. She's one of those incredible people who logically reasons through every decision, as a trained businesswomen always does, yet also is able to connect the empathy, purpose and meaning to her next step.

Time to Redefine, It All

What if, all the scrimping, saving, and planning made it okay to be a 'consumer' of the funds you wanted to utilize? What if the areas you want to focus on during your retirement were even bigger 'contributions' to society, to business, to families, to children, to your dreams - bigger than anything prior? What if the amazing experiences you had during corporate life could now be leveraged as a gift for where you want to give them? What if there was a child out there who needed your compassion? Or a non-profit that needed your leadership? Or a student who needed your teaching? Or a book that has been calling you to write it - that ultimately changes lives? Or learning a new skill, like AI tools to make life better in some small or some big way?

As Ms Martini looks at all of the options that have surfaced for her, all of the things that bring her joy, and all of the endless possibilities, I decided to play detective with ChatGPT. I asked for ideas on how to spend time during her retirement based on her incredibly deep and varied background, Here is what ChatGPT shared with me:

1. "Mentoring Programs for Young Girls: Launch or join a mentorship program focused on empowering young girls, especially those from disadvantaged backgrounds. The program could focus on leadership development, confidence building, and skills training in marketing, business development, and fundraising. With her experience, she could be a powerful role model.
2. Advocacy for Epilepsy Awareness: Partner with local or national organizations that support epilepsy awareness and advocacy. She could use her corporate background to fundraise, create marketing campaigns, and raise awareness about epilepsy, while also supporting families who face similar challenges with adult children.
3. Nonprofit Consulting for Fundraising and Development: Offer consulting services to nonprofits, particularly those focused on poverty alleviation and children’s issues. With her fundraising and business development experience, she could help small organizations grow and optimize their efforts to reach more children in need.
4. Creating a Scholarship Program for Girls in Need: Start a scholarship fund for young girls, particularly those from underprivileged backgrounds or with health challenges, to pursue education and career development. Her network and fundraising skills could create sustainable funding to support future generations.
5. Board Membership for Children’s or Poverty-Alleviation Charities: Join the board of directors for organizations that align with her passion for helping children, young girls, or those affected by poverty. She could leverage her marketing and corporate expertise to guide strategic initiatives and raise awareness for the causes she cares about.

These ideas allow her to use her extensive background to create meaningful impact while also staying engaged in the issues close to her heart."

Whatever she decides, it is bound to make a deep and lasting impact, as she profoundly impacts anyone she interacts with. This woman is one-of-a-kind. Her passion to help young women is a blessing for the next generation and us all.

And I hope as she reads this, she knows how grateful I (and so many) are for her giving spirit. I hope she also knows it is so okay to move at the pace of grace and build the retirement she loves and adores. I hope she knows I am just a phone call and an AI tool away if she needs me in any way to help. Consumer or contributor? You are both Ms. Martini, and so much more!