What's In A Name?

There's a semantic game with caregiver versus caretaker. The giver is usually a family member, and the underlying premise is often that the family is generously giving care. Unpaid caregiving amounts to around $600 billion a year, and those are 2021 numbers. This number is based on the low cost of caregiving and doesn't account for the jobs and careers these caregivers are leaving behind. For more on this, check out this CBS News story by Lisa Ling on the cost of caretaking.

When you have a child, you are choosing to bring life into the world and, with that the care attendant in that decision. You are aware, mostly, of the relative length of the commitment. You can't know if your child will be healthy or what will happen but there are some certainties you can prepare for. People often compare the beginning of life and the end of life and there are many similarities but the role of the caregiver of the elderly isn't elevated. There is no well-celebrated caregiver day. Most of us do it quietly, whether we are part-time or full-time.?

From an economic perspective, this is a huge issue akin to the childcare crisis and it's only going to get worse as more elders need care. Medicare does not cover long-term care and most of us (myself included) don't have long-term care insurance. And long-term care insurance may not always help.?

It's also not just direct caregiving, it's all of the logistics and emotional support. When I was caregiving remotely, I never gave myself credit for the hours I spent on the phone listening to my mother, researching medical information, connecting with her care team. The emotional labor and general anxiety were substantial.

Is caregiving versus caretaking just a question of money changing hands? Not entirely. Some define caretaking as being more inclusive such as handling financial issues and issues of home maintenance. I'm lucky enough to have had some level of financial education which makes me well-suited to handle most of the financial issues and get help when I don't. I'm a member of several resource groups and I encounter a lot of people who no matter their economic or educational background, are simply in the dark about these issues.?

There's also another option: care partner. Carrie Aalberts, creator of Dementia Darling a resource for people dealing with dementia diagnoses, says this using this word leads to a sense of teamwork and may feel like a less emotionally-charged word. This one doesn't quite work for me but that's because my care experience doesn't feel like a partnership or collaboration. Your experience may be different.?

For me, for right now, what we call what I do doesn't matter too much but it may at some point, especially as it continues and becomes a space in my life and work history. For many of us trying to find our way in this new role and leaving our old identities behind or at the very least, on hold for a while, I wish there was a word that had the same sense of honor and respect that being a parent does.?