What's Love Got to Do With It?

It is starting to get close to Valentine’s Day. Or as my niece used to call it and I still do for fun, Valentimes. The season of love. If you are in a great relationship you think about how wonderful love is. If your relationship is not so great you often highlight what is wrong with love. If you are single, you try to remember what love was like.

I was talking with a friend last night who I used to work with. We were talking about all the great times we had together. She said, “You know, when you’re going through it you don’t realize that you will look back and realize those were the good old days.”

As we all know, even with our struggles and complaints, someday we may look back at today as the good old days. It makes me think about something I have talked about with others many times. Love at work.

When I mention love at work, the HR department raises its head and says,” Whoa there, buddy!” I’m not talking about that kind of love. Although, while we are on the topic, do you really expect people to spend 40-60 hours a week together and not fall in love sometimes? Our policies need to reflect reality.

I am talking about the kind of love where we deeply care about and for each other. We love the people we work with. At least some of them. It is unreasonable to “love” everybody. And some people may not have the capacity to love anyone they work with. It may be because they don’t allow themselves to feel that deeply about people, or because the people they currently work with just aren’t that loveable.

But I think we should normalize loving those we work with. We spend more hours with them than with our own families many times. There is nothing wrong with telling others we love them. Even at work.

Many of the deepest, most loving friendships I have made were with people I’ve worked with. I have also thought I had a deep friendship with someone and then when I didn’t work there anymore, I realized they didn’t see it the same way. Sometimes there is natural attrition over time in a relationship when you aren’t together all the time anymore. Other times you realize they were only your friend because of your position or proximity.

That is how love works. I’ve always appreciated the phrase: absence makes the heart go wander. When we aren’t with others we don’t feel as much for them. You can put people together all the time and they often feel close. Even love.

As leaders, we should also be able to talk about loving our teams. Loving those around us. Not in a manipulative way, but when it is genuine. People want to know you care about them. Often in business, we are afraid of showing and sharing our emotions. But we can develop deep bonds when we open ourselves up.

So, here is to love at work! In a non-creepy way, of course.

David B. McLaughlin is the founder of Pendulum Coaching, LLC and host of the podcast, The Mindful Leader .?David is a popular speaker and coach on mindfulness and emotional intelligence. You can learn more at pendulumcoaching.com and sign up for his weekly email newsletter. But wait, there’s more! He just released his second blues album, The Stranger, available on all streaming platforms!?Find out more at thatsfantasticentertainment.com .