What’s It Like to Live in a Country Where “Fat” and “Ugly” Women Are Banned from Having Fun?

By Milena "Mila" S. & Dr. Jamie Huysman

Imagine living in a place where your worth is weighed not by your talents or character, but by your appearance. In some Eastern European cultures, particularly in Russia, beauty is not just a matter of preference—it’s a mandate. The message is clear: if you don’t appeal to men in every possible way, you don’t get to play.

Beauty, in these parts, demands sacrifice. Many Eastern European women are told from a young age that enduring the discomfort of high heels and strict diets is worth it if it means achieving the coveted look of beauty. It's a norm so ingrained that it’s rarely questioned. In this world, thinness is not just a trait; it’s an ideal, and fat-phobia permeates every facet of society—from schools and families to healthcare systems and media representations.

I had a front-row seat to this culture during a trip to Moscow last year. My friend, despite her efforts to fit the ideal—four months on a keto diet, which felt more like starving—was denied entry to a nightclub. The reason? She didn’t “pass” the face control test.

So, what exactly is face control?

Face control is a brutal practice where only the most aesthetically pleasing women—meaning slim and conventionally beautiful—are granted access to clubs, bars, and other venues. If you don’t meet the stringent standards, you don’t get in. My friend had hoped her stylish outfit would make a difference, but the bouncer was unmoved.

“That dress looks tight because she’s fat. I’m not letting her in,” the bouncer said with a smirk. “If you don’t like it, you can both head straight to KFC.”

It was a painful experience, not just for my friend but for me as well. I wanted to lash out at the bouncer, but my friend, visibly upset, pulled me away.

On our way to KFC, my friend explained that this harsh selection process exists because Moscow’s club scene is fiercely competitive. With more women than men, clubs are packed with those who fit the ideal look. The bouncers’ job is to keep the crowd exclusive, often in ways that are as humiliating as they are arbitrary.

The rules of face control are as unpredictable as they are unforgiving. A well-dressed young man might be turned away while a shorter, heavier man walks in without a hitch. Women in wide pants and sneakers might slip through while others are turned away for reasons that seem to shift with each passing moment. Your fate is decided in seconds by the whims of the bouncer.

In Russia, it feels like there’s no room for insecurity or deviation from the beauty norm. The cultural obsession with appearance means that the true measure of a woman’s worth is often reduced to how closely she conforms to these ideals.

Yet, there are glimmers of change. Movements like #AllIsFineWithMe and “Women are Not Dolls” are pushing back against these restrictive norms, promoting body positivity and broader acceptance. These efforts are part of a larger cultural shift, where younger generations are challenging outdated views on gender, sexuality, and race. But the road is still long, and the backlash against feminism and body diversity remains strong.

A Russian columnist once criticized the body positivity seen in places like Manchester, suggesting that it somehow turns men away or implies a lack of standards. The notion was both shocking and offensive, yet it underscores a deep cultural difference.

In Manchester, women embrace their bodies in all shapes and sizes, defying the rigid standards seen in Russia. It’s a city where leggings and comfort are celebrated rather than shamed, where people can feel liberated from oppressive beauty standards.

Despite my personal struggle with these ingrained expectations, I’ve seen the positive impact of body acceptance. It’s hard to let go of deeply rooted biases, but each step towards understanding and embracing diversity matters.

The journey to break free from these oppressive beauty norms is challenging, but every step towards acceptance and change is a victory. Even in a world obsessed with appearance, there’s hope for a future where everyone can be seen for who they truly are, beyond just their looks.

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