What's The Light At The End?

This is a tough question... have you asked yourself this recently, what's the light at the end...?

I'm sure you are asking, end of what Brandon... end of today, end of my life... what are you asking? I found myself asking this exact question several times this week; in a negotiation practice session that went sideways quickly, I was asking myself “what’s the light at the end of this negotiation?” Studying for the CISSP exam and feeling like I don’t know enough, asking myself “What’s the light at the end of this certification?”, I also found I was asking myself what’s the light at the end of the certification?”

Why all of the sudden do I find myself asking these questions this week?

With everything that has been going on; my wife being forced to close her clinic again due to Toronto’s lock down, which is getting me in the feels because I feel there is nothing I can do to help her with her business. Hustling with business development, just feeling I’m not doing enough, I don’t know enough and I need to do more. Feeling the CISSP is overwhelming and I just do not know enough to be ready for the exam. Doing my best to develop my knowledge/skills for my career and to progress in my career. I feel I’m just spinning my wheels and I’m not succeeding.

What do I really want to work towards?

This was a really deep question for me that opened up a lot for me. Which really made me think about what am I working towards and what I want at my core.

“Safety and Security”: After a walk with my wife today she asked me do you feel anxious/stress a lot? When did I start feeling this? How long have I been feeling this way?

The sad part is I’ve been feeling scared and not safe since I was a child. I wake up every morning in a “Sympathetic State” (Flight, Fight or Freeze) and Jack knife up as soon as I wake up between 5am to 6am EST. No matter when I got to sleep, this is how I wake up. I feel there is so much I need to do that if I don’t get up and do it immediately there will be a negative outcome. What it comes down to, if I don’t get what I need to get done I will not be safe and secure. This has been a pressure I have been going through as long as I can remember. Now it’s time to focus on working through this.

What are the actions I need to do to help with this?

1) Acknowledge I’m feeling this and it is ok to be compassionate with myself that I am feeling this way. I figure out ways to heal this.

2) Talk to someone in my inner trusted circle and let them know how I am feeling. There are a lot of great people in our lives who will be there to listen, help and provide support...etc

3) Find a mentor(s) to help bridge the gaps ie sales, negotiation, CISO or areas I know I don’t know BISO, as well areas I don’t know I don’t know,

4) Create a routine that’s selfish, empowers me and helps me grow. Which to be honest in the last 5 to 6 months I have not been doing this. Which I feel is why this feeling is coming up more. This is the routine/schedule I am going to implement to help me

• 5:00am to 6:30am: Mediate/Journal/White Space Time
• 6:30am to 7:00am: Workout/Martial Arts
• 7:00am to 8:00am: CISSP Study (Kwik Recall/Kwik Reading)
• 8:00am to 5:00pm: Work
• 9:00pm to 10:00pm: Read/Personal Development

Let me know if this if this article help stimulate some thoughts for you?

Fiat Lux,

Brandon