What's the hurry?

When I’m in a hurry, my mind is usually trapped in obsessive thoughts about where I am headed or should already be and all the things I shoulda, coulda done differently so I wouldn’t be in a crunch in the first place. Recently, I had a flash of insight about this when I was doing a body scan to reboot from one such experience. As I traveled, in my mind’s eye, from the top of my head to my feet, I noted all my body sensations: tight shoulders, restricted breath, hardened feeling in my chest/heart and a general sensation of wanting to break nefarious bonds that were holding me. Holy cow! These are exactly the same feelings I had when I was first working through cult related trauma. But this time, no one was doing anything to me. It was just me, myself and I.  I wasn’t protecting myself from someone who might hurt me and I wasn’t expressing valid anger towards someone who had manipulated me. I was mad at myself.

Of course, this is a completely different level of anger but that fact remains, I was angry. No matter how you slice it, anger is anger. And, at least in my experience, anger tends to create those unpleasant body sensations, not to mention how it can impact those around me. This realization has prompted a new inquiry as I enter 2020. Does anger fuel haste? I’ve launched an unscientific research project on myself - to pay close attention when I’m feeling pressured by time. I’m curious what will happen if I breathe deeply, relax my shoulders, place my hands on my heart and imagine the shackles of time melting away. Can anger still exist? I mean, really, what’s the hurry anyway?!?