What's Holding You Back?

Welcome to?The Recipe For Life, a weekly newsletter providing transformative insights for female professionals and leaders in hospitality. Every week I offer you tools, tips and topics to inspire action and create effective change, personally and professionally. If you’d like to know more,?get in touch.

What holds us back from creating lasting change?

I remember, many a time, during my career, just when I was making progress and it looked like promotion and leadership was in the bag, I'd suddenly run for the hills. Literally, turn and head out the door, before my resignation had even touched the hands of my boss and the dust had settled. I laugh about it now but not before I spent a long time asking why? At the time I'd convinced myself that it was time for a career change and that the job wasn't for me. Of course it was all rubbish, and more likely I had Fear of Uncertainty and Failure, two of many fears that can debilitate and render a seemingly super intelligent, super successful human being, useless.

Even when faced with a life-threatening situation, people tend to resist change, despite knowing the repercussions. It sounds absurd but people will go to great lengths to stay where they are, stop any form of transition, maintain the status quo, no matter how much it's hurting them or wrecking their self-esteem. I know this only too well, having stayed in a marriage that was well past its use by date.

So why do we do it? Why do we hold ourselves back or stop ourselves from making much needed changes that have the potential to take our lives from the average, 'just getting by', to the next level of incredible'ness!

First, even bad habits are rewarding. I doubt that comes as much of a surprise to anyone. Eat the cake and at the time, you feel comforted and happy. Accept the apology from someone who isn't respecting or treating you very well, and you feel hope.

Secondly, our brains are wired with an error alert system, like a panic button that gets hit setting off a very loud alarm in your head, everytime you're about to try a new experience. All new experiences, according to your brain, are threats. The feelings attached to this are anxiety and fear, put altogether and hey presto, you are paralysed. Like two lead weights on your feet, you are not moving anywhere.

With all of this programming, comes several specific obstacles that will block any deliberate change or desire to change. Here are the most common and what they really mean...

Fear of judgement/rejection/being different: The reality - you are seeking a need for approval

Fear of uncertainty/discomfort: You will always seek out comfort and certainty because of your brain wiring, all in an attempt to avoid failure.

Stuck in habits and old patterns: You are a creature of habit who values routine.

Overwhelm: The tendency to suffer from disorganisation, lack of clarity and catastrophic thinking.

Confidence and self-efficacy: The lack in belief of your abilities or inability to trust yourself.

Fear of disappointment or failure: A lack of faith that it will all work out fine and fear of not meeting your own expectations, or in some cases, others not meeting your expectations.

Fear of unintended consequences: Change begets change. When one area of your life is changed, it impacts other areas. Sometimes it requires other changes, and those changes may be scary or unpleasant. Sometimes changes impact other people and it can be hard and emotionally straining to handle their rejection.

Lack of clarity or motivation: This will show up if you don't know what you want or why you want it.

Once you understand this vital default of your brain, it can instantly create clarity and vision. It can give you the confidence to stand up to yourself! To say to yourself, NO!

I always like to start from the end. Get clarity and vision, know what you want and why, which creates motivation, which drives action. Open a pathway to that future self and who you desire to be and the rest will most likely become much much clearer. When you take one step, one action then it will give you the courage to take another step and keep walking forward, leaving the past behind and knowing that every new day will bring exciting changes and transformation.

Peace and love my beautiful friends xxx

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