What's Going On In Your Head?

Now, I know you do not tell many people. Maybe your other half, but then you don’t want to stress them out too. You don’t tell your mates because they will probably have a laugh about it. Plus you don’t want to sound like your always complaining. And you want to try to stay positive even if you don’t feel it. You certainly don’t tell anyone at work because you don’t want to seem incompetent, judged, weak, useless or any of that nonsense. 

So you’ll just deal with it yourself. 

But the truth is, that what’s going on in your head is what’s going on in that whole room.

Doesn’t make you feel any better though. 

It’s funny that we are all going through these same experiences but we never share it because we don’t want to look stupid. Yet we all experience it when we’re not trying to put on a brave face. Put on a front 

Put it this way. 

Have you ever felt your jaw clenched when you wake up in the morning?

Have you ever been so overwhelmed and frustrated that you have visions of losing the plot and walking out the door?

Have you ever had such a long list of stuff to do that you spend more time staring at it than you do, doing it?

I can’t see the nodding heads. Nor can I hear the noises of agreement. But you have. 

Of course you have. And it’ll happen again, no doubt. 

We all struggle. We all stress. We all strive for more, for better, for perfect. 

And as we sit there, feel the drop in our stomach, narrow focus, get caught in that steady fixed gaze looking at nothing in particular and contemplate just how much we should be doing not just at work but at home, in our health. We ask “where the hell do you start?”

You are not alone. 

It’s all part of the human condition. To feel so alone in our struggle yet know that everyone else is caught in their struggle too. 

You are not losing the plot. You are a completely normal human being. Trust me. I’ve spoken to enough people about this to know that’s true!

Yet I you still think you should be able to deal with it without help. To process it all in your own head. 

You will manage. You think you should be able to do more. You should be able to do it alone. That if you don’t, you are failing. There’s always more to do. It’s that never ending stream. You’re always on. 

Like the dishes or that pile of washing, there’s always more to do. 

We could go all idealistic and say ‘just let it go’ but you know it’s not that easy because if you could just let it go you’d’ve damn well let it go by now! 

No-one wants to live with that constant barrage of stress.

But listen up now.

You do have choices. 

This is maybe something you didn’t know. You can choose right now to keep living with that constant barrage of stress or to do something different. Not drastic, just different. 

Because you can either let it build up again day after day until you feel yourself explode again. Build up until you snap at your spouse, get ratty with your boss, lose your temper at your team. 

You can go into self loathing and resort to bringing yourself ‘up’ with booze, food, or whatever your vice is. Whatever helps you switch off. 

All viable options, of course. I mean, pretty destructive, but viable. 

You can choose any of those options and often we do - I do - just to escape.

What else you can do that isn’t a huge change? The right question because all the ‘advice’ is tied up in this perfect little ribbon that just isn’t real. 

Life still happens. So bullshit advice that we don’t have time for just doesn’t work. 

Especially because you are busy, working hard to provide and have a to do list that’s as long as Labour’s list of things they are going to give out for free. 

The ‘only do what matters’ advice doesn’t feel real. The ‘start your day an hour early’ advice cuts into the only time you have to yourself. So it’s hard to actually do this stuff even if you believe in it. 

So here’s my question for you totally “normal, time poor, stressed out Mr Busy that still wants to better himself even if he’s doing alright already”… 

Do you have 3 minutes? 

In the morning before you get dressed? 

On the train?

At lunch?

Sod it - going to the toilet?

Close the bedroom door and sit on the edge of the bed.

Shut your eyes and put your headphones in.

Step out to get your lunch on your own.

Lock the door (I hope you do!) and sit down.

This is not meditation. This is not mindfulness. This is a scientific “calm yourself the hell down and get some rest!” strategy. 

Give yourself 3 minutes to stop stressing, chill out and stop yourself from dying early from a stress induced overload. 

Be self indulgent for three minutes for the benefit of everyone else. (Doesn’t feel so self indulgent when you look at it like that)

Take a breath in for 5 seconds. 

Hold it for 7. 

Breathe out for 8. 

Thats 20 full seconds. 

That means you have time for 9 - and that’s all you need - 9 breaths while you’re in whatever bathroom you’ve locked hoping no-one hears you.

(hears you breathing I mean).

9 self indulgent breaths to help you live longer, stress less and feel a hell of a lot better while you deal with this completely normal human experience running around frantically in your own mind. 

Trust me. 

I see you. I’ve been you. I am you. 

Here to help. 

Will

p.s. knowing that every other person out there is going through the same thing - pass on this 3 minute technique so someone else feels a little bit better, less stressed and lives longer too. You’ll be doing us all a favour.