What's Getting in the Way of More Happiness & Health?

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We are at a place in history where there's more variety in opportunities than ever before, yet most of the world is stressed out; in fact about 2/3 of US workers have struggled with burnout. 

What gives?

Maybe you have your own theory for your own life, like if you just complete that one last course, or achieve that one big goal, or meet that one right person- then your life will be so much better, happier and you can stress less.

The real problem isn't what people think it is.

I'll offer myself as an example.

I used to struggle with weight; more specifically I struggled with my body image. I was dieting at the age of 10, and by high school had become bulimic.

I wanted to weigh a certain amount. I had a number in my head that I strived to hit, but no matter how hard I tried- I never could. 

I thought that if I did, then I’d be liked more; I’d be more attractive, and if all that happened, I’d feel happier.

Underneath all of those thoughts though, what I really wanted (but didn’t realize), was just to feel better about being me. I wanted to feel more comfortable in my own skin. I wanted to feel like I could accept my body, and love it and feel thankful for it.

I was bulimic off and on for many years. It wasn’t until I got pregnant with my first child that I stopped.

I had always wanted to become a mom, and being her mom superseded my fears of not being the “right weight”.

It took some time, but I began to realize that my perspective about my body was shifting. I grew more and more grateful of what my body had done for me. It allowed me to become a mom. It helped me feed my daughter. It grew and sustained life. It stood sturdy for me as I cared for the beautiful life I created. 

Sure, I experienced pain through it, but without it I’d never have experienced the pleasures either. 

I started to associate my body with more positive experiences in my life. As I shifted my thoughts about my body, I also shifted how I felt about it. As a result, I shifted how I treated my body. Lo' and behold, without hitting that number on the scale, I learned how to love and accept my body.

What I learned was that it wasn’t the number on the scale that was what I really wanted. What I really wanted was to feel different about my body. I wanted to shift my relationship with my body to feel more supportive, grateful and positive.

Maybe the thing you think needs to happen in order for you to experience more ease, happiness and clarity in life, isn't about your body.

Maybe you think you need or want that promotion. More money would help you buy more of what you want, or be able to go on more vacations. If that happened, do you believe you’d feel less stressed and more happy?

Maybe you think you need or want that new job. If only that happened, do you think you'd feel more accomplished and be able to make more money? Would you than feel like you could finally spend more quality time with loved ones...?

Maybe you need or want your ideal partner. If only you had the partner who checked off all those boxes! Do you believe that you’d feel more loved, less alone and overall happier than?

May I ask how many times you convinced yourself that if only X, then you'd finally be able to do, be or have different?

When you graduated? Got the job? Went on that date? Hired that person? Hit that weight goal? Completed that certification/course? Got that salary?

Have you been feeling better? More Clear? Less stressed or more in control of your life since then?

As appealing as that may all sound, achieving those kinds of goals won’t shift how you feel about yourself, your life or your level of happiness in the long run... 

If that were the case, then the majority of those who win the lottery wouldn't report that they are MORE stressed and unhappy than before.

Because beneath that thing you say you want is something else even greater.

It’s a desired internal experience, like peace, joy, happiness, security, confidence. While those external goals are not bad or wrong, they are certainly not the long term “fix”.

While hitting a certain number on the scale may have felt like an accomplishment momentarily for me, it wouldn’t have made me feel happier about myself and my life in the long-run. I had to learn how to change that relationship with my body in a more profound way.

A good few questions to ask yourself (and honestly answer) are:

What do you think you want ? 

How do you think it’ll make you feel, or what do you think you’d gain by having it?

The deeper, long-lasting change that actually changes your life for the better- that's what leads to more happiness internally, healthier relationships externally, and even greater abundance and impact in life over-all.

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If you KNOW it's your time, but you're feeling a bit worried about reaching out- it's okay. You can reach out to just have a talk with Dr. Toni. She'll ask you questions and answer your questions; no strings: https://bit.ly/drtonicoaches_apply

Dr. Toni is a licensed psychotherapist in the state of PA, mom of 3, former behavior specialist, and Life Advisor for the Busy & Ambitious. For more than a decade, she has been a parenting professional, working and studying in the fields of human behavior, psychology and sexuality. She is the founder of Dr. Toni Coaches, a coaching and consulting business with the mission to inspire and enact meaningful change in the home and work lives of well-intentioned professionals and leaders. She is also founder of Authentically Me Psychotherapy, a private practice located in Willow Grove, PA, where she treats teens and adults managing chronic stress, anxiety, trauma symptoms and depression.

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***Disclaimer: This content does not serve as medical advice or treatment. Talk with your doctor if there are potential conditions or concerns that may be impacted by anything you choose to engage in through from this video. Please note that coaching and therapy are not the same; they are separate services and the above mentioned are separate business entities. 

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