What’s the difference between influence and manipulation?

How can you distinguish between them?

And how, in the real world, can you know for certain you’re not crossing a line??

I know for sure- Influence without manipulation isn’t a pitch—it’s a?process.?And the process that I believe in.

Whether you manage employees, sell to customers, or just need to get your kids to do their homework, being able to get people to change their minds is a valuable skill. You can influence people without resorting to manipulation.

Your intention is one of the most critical factors in judging whether what you’re doing is manipulative.?

If you knowingly present an idea that isn’t in the other person’s best interests, you are probably being manipulative. If you believe that it is in their best interests, you are probably just trying to influence them.?

Manipulation involves withholding information or distorting the truth to achieve the outcome you want. Influencing involves stressing some facts over others.?

The key difference here is, does the other person have all the information they need to decide their own best interests.?

That’s a little bit like saying that a hammer is a tool of destruction. Sure, it can be used to smash up a set of fine china. But most hammers I’ve ever seen have been used to build something, not bust something apart.

You can think of it as the difference between?influence?and?manipulation. I checked these words out in the dictionary and actually they are pretty close in definition.

They both involve producing an effect in another person without apparent exertion of force.

But manipulation is defined as “having control over others by having the ability to influence their behavior (emotions) and their actions so things can go in the manipulator’s favor” and “to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one's own advantage.

We all need to influence people sometimes. But most of us need to be better at it.?Whether at work or in life, on issues big or small, people seek to change minds as a matter of course.

What’s more, the vast majority have good intentions and genuinely want to influence people, not manipulate them.

While influence has always been a valuable managerial skill, today’s highly collaborative organizations make it essential.

People move through predictable stages—a universal?decision cycle—whenever they make a change.

If you can’t identify where someone is in the decision cycle, you probably won’t understand how to exercise influence at each stage.

For instance, in the “Satisfied” stage, many people will simply say they’re satisfied just to fend off early attempts at change. ?

Your task, then, is merely to listen and learn; in this way, you’ll gain the perspective you’ll need in other stages.??

If people don’t trust you, they won’t allow you to influence them. A smart, simple way to establish trust is to talk less and listen more.

Disclaimer:?The information on this POST is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this article is for general information purposes / educational purposes only, and to ensure discussion or debate.

Thank you?....Try using the 4 A’s: Ask open questions

Actively listen, Aim well (to guide the conversation in the desired direction), and Avoid problems.

By alleviating the stress that a conversation abouhange can cause, you’ll?build trust.

Four out of five people readily admit that something in their life requires a change, but they just as readily admit that they aren’t doing anything about it yet.

This is why influence requires?urgency.?To create urgency, ask probing questions that help people to consider the issue, contemplate the what-ifs, and comprehend the consequences.

Use a sequence of simple probes that gently move the conversation closer to the real problem—questions such as, “What concerns do you have about the debt you’re building up?”

“How do you think this’ll ultimately affect your family’s future?”

Your goal is to guide people to see the potential impact of indecision.

Most people don’t just show up ready to commit to change—to, say, simply end a destructive addiction or leave a detrimental relationship or work environment. There needs to be a moment of truth, a moment of commitment.

Ask the most important question never asked:

“Are you committed to making a change?”

We’ve all heard the saying, “You only have one chance to make a first impression.”

When it comes to initiating change, that one chance usually boils down to about 45 seconds. This makes your opener particularly important.

The worst opener: “I need to talk with you.” (Think about how those six words make you feel. Not great, right?)

?The best openers include softer words and phrases, such as?ask you, listen to you,?or?need your help.

It’s human nature for people to resist change. They may fear change, think it’s not needed, or feel there’s no hurry.

The good news?

People are more likely to change their minds if they have at least one objection.

To?overcome objections, you must clarify, clarify, and clarify. Only then can you get to the bottom of someone’s concerns and distinguish between real objections and procrastination.

Finally,?the line between influence and manipulation often comes down to intent. So ask yourself if you believe.

Do you want to add a word or two?....

Do you truly believe that the idea or solution you seek to push someone toward is in that person’s best interest?

If your answer is yes, you have the very foundation of influencing—not manipulating.

Have you ever thought about how you influence others?

The tactics you use?

?We are all aware that people use different influencing tactics, but did you realize that we each naturally default to the same tactics every time?

Or that the tactics we default to are also the ones to which we are most receptive when being influenced?

It is these preferred tactics that define our influencing style. Analyzing the?different influencing tactics to further understand personal influencing styles.

Your comments ….

Influencing styles: rationalizing, asserting, negotiating, inspiring, and bridging.

Some questions you can ask yourself to begin to understand your style:

Rationalizing:?Do you use logic, facts, and reasoning to present your ideas?

Do you leverage your facts, logic, expertise, and experience to persuade others??

Asserting:?Do you rely on your personal confidence, rules, law, and authority to influence others? ?

Do you insist that your ideas are heard and considered, even when others disagree?

Do you challenge the ideas of others when they don’t agree with yours?

Do you debate with or pressure others to get them to see your point of view?

Negotiating:?Do you look for compromises and make concessions in order to reach an outcome that satisfies your greater interest?

Do you make trade-offs and exchanges in order to meet your larger interests?

If necessary, will you delay the discussion until a more opportune time?

Inspiring:?Do you encourage others toward your position by communicating a sense of shared mission and exciting possibility?

Do you use inspirational appeals, stories, and metaphors to encourage a shared sense of purpose?

Bridging:?Do you attempt to influence outcomes by uniting or connecting with others?

?Do you rely on reciprocity, engaging superior support, consultation, building coalitions, and using personal relationships to get people to agree with your position?

While answering these questions, take you a step further.

How often does it work for you?

Are you more successful with certain types of people?

Have you ever wondered why?

Since there are different influencing styles, using only your preferred style has the potential to undermine your influence with as many as four out of five people.

Gaining awareness about our own influencing style and those of others is especially critical in light of today’s fast-paced and stressful work environments, and here’s why:

When we are operating unconsciously out of a preference (our style) and not seeing the results we expect, we actually have the tendency to intensify our preferred behavior — even when it’s not working!

If your individual success depends on gaining the cooperation of people over whom you have no direct authority, this should concern you.

The way to begin to increase your odds of influencing more people is to learn to recognize and use your styles.

Becoming aware that there are influencing styles other than yours is a good start.

Can I persuade you ?

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