What's The Big Deal About Reunions?

After all, aren’t reunions just an event where people (and they get older every year) drink, laugh, dance, and swap stories about “the good times”? Isn’t it just one big party with “reunion” as an excuse to meet up and see who has been doing what lately – or in some cases, for the past 50 years? Where people work hard to look younger and successful – and try to somehow create the impression they are better off than they actually are? And I especially wonder what is so special about high school reunions – what’s that all about – really?

Well, now I think I know. And it seems to be a lot more than what many people think…certainly more than I realized until lately.

I went to my 50th class reunion this weekend…and it actually turned out to be both interesting and a worthwhile experience. A time which allowed me to look back with a sense of pride and obtain a heightened feeling of admiration for a special group of people. While I did not expect it to be the case going in, for me, going to that 50th reunion was something I will always remember. So, really – what is the big deal about reunions?

Well, it first and foremost gave me a chance to look deeper into the lives of various people who had been important to me as a teenager. You remember - those times when you all too often felt vulnerable, bewildered, and awkward – struggling to figure out what life was really all about and where or how I would fit in. I went to this reunion, only the second one I had ever attended, with the firm resolve to simply ask lots of questions, to listen and learn firsthand about the lives of many of my former classmates, to take a peek into their history and benefit from a front row seat into how they had run their life course. And as I did so, it became clear that many had been through some very difficult times, with the type of life struggles we all hear about - usually in a rather detached way, and in a way that doesn’t really allow us to feel those struggles in our heart.

One of the biggest surprises for me was how many had divorced along the way, some several times. And how many had struggled with health issues. And, of course, some were not there to tell their stories since they no longer were with us at all. Others could not be there since they were having “health issues”. The magnitude of these situations was both humbling and gratitude-inducing as I have always enjoyed good health, and I’ve also enjoyed a long and wonderful relationship with my spouse of 45 years. And to be clear, there were many individuals at the event enjoying similar experiences - couples who were in good spirits, happily enjoying and working through the “normal” ups and downs of life with kids, college, and all the rest.

I especially enjoyed the “time out” we took to honor those individuals who were no longer with us, who had moved on to the next step in their eternal journey - those who cancer, heart attack, and other woes had claimed for their own. Standing at the table which held their high school pictures was a poignant moment for me as name after name was remembered and mental pictures of them in past shared experiences came back into focus.

I was also appreciative of the time we took to honor those among us who were military veterans – which actually turned out to be a much bigger group than I previously realized. These were guys (and yes, at this event, they were all guys – a much different scenario with respect to how our military has evolved; however, I do know of women from our class who also served in the military) who had taken part in the Vietnam conflict and earned the distinction of being an honored and recognized veteran who served their country with valor for many years. We also recognized the sacrifices of the spouses who had also been called to serve in their own way – something all too often left out of the discussion.

Looking back on this reunion experience - granted, it was only a snapshot in time of a small group out of millions - the one word that comes to mind for my generation is resilience. Standing apart and taking a look at this group as a particle of humanity representing the baby boomer generation, I became a bit overwhelmed with pride and a sense of admiration. After all, this was a group of people thrown together by sheer chance, and there they were, laughing, smiling, dancing, talking, and enjoying being together, and although some were there with heavy hearts facing the challenges of aging and loneliness, yet they were all excited to be there, pushing on and keeping on, enjoying each other and the times we all shared. 

It is hard to put into words how complicated reunions can be. There are so many components rolled into a reunion – things like gratitude, sadness, happiness, wonder, love, compassion, joy, excitement, pensiveness, curiosity, admiration, appreciation, insight, contentment, validation, and even a touch of bewilderment. However, through it all – and I did not think I would say this – I came away with a renewed sense of our common humanity and a deeper appreciation for the fleeting nature of this thing we call “life”. I left the reunion uplifted and saddened at the same time. As I said, reunions are more complicated than many people realize. 

I suppose it’s because people are complicated. And life is complicated. Once again, I have come to more fully appreciate that what is truly important is the simple truth that we are all in this together and we have to keep doing our best, avoid being overly judgmental, treat those around us with continuing respect, love, and compassion, and in the end, all will be OK - in spite of whatever challenges come our way. 

Can reunions be a big deal? Yes - for all these reasons and more. 

At least that’s what my 50th reunion taught me….