What’s The Best Way to Learn “The Ropes?” Get a Mentor.

Why get a Mentor?

“Got a mentor?” a friend asked me when I was in my mid-career. “No.” I answered. “Get one.” He said. He went on to say that everyone needs a mentor—someone who can provide counsel, advice and experience.  It’s not enough to be skilled or, smart with great ideas. Lots of bright, motivated people never get into positions of authority because they haven’t learned “the ropes.”

And studies have shown that professionals fail either because they don’t know how to manage the people or the politics of their organization, it’s not because they lack necessary skills. Reasons why motivated and bright professionals get “taken out” include a lack of emotional intelligence—those “soft skills” like good communication and team work abilities—and failure to develop alliances.

Learning The Ropes

Learning “the ropes” is what makes savvy workers succeed within their organization. Mentors help with the “people-politics” of an organization, which is a lot of what “learning the ropes” is all about! Good mentors can help think through the issues and risks of decision making and internal politics. Unlike a friend, they are not always going to take your side on things. In fact, they might recommend you stop doing something, or start doing something you don’t want to do. 

A few years ago I had a boss that I didn’t respect very much. While she was nice enough, she just didn’t know enough to be helpful and in fact, her advice was counterproductive.  After talking with my mentor, I realized I needed to find a way to authentically work with her. My mentor helped me re-frame my approach with my boss to be focused on making her “smarter” so we could work better together. This was small advice—not earth shattering—but it’s these little tweaks along a career path that add up to being on the right road over the long haul.

So in the spirit of mentorship, here is some advice to those who don’t have a mentor and to those who might want to become one:

Working with a Mentor:

·        First step is to get a mentor.  Actually ask someone if they would be a mentor to you. Look for someone who is more experienced than you and has been through a few careers. Yes, I know—your equally young colleagues are smart but they are not “road worn” like the older folks. Older folks—even slightly older—are people who have been working awhile and know about organizations, how insecure bosses act, and can give you savvy advice. 

·        Keep in mind that a mentor is different from a trusted friend. Mentors won’t always agree with you but they will support you all the way. Friends, on the other hand, take your side regardless of whether you are right or not!

·        Meet or talk with your mentor regularly. Treat it like a job assignment. Mentors should help you read the political waters, they will help you look inward and assess your real strengths and areas for development. And hopefully over time, they will help you network into other jobs or help you grow your professional aspirations.

·        Find them among your older friends, or more senior people in another department.  In my experience, folks like myself (mid-fifties) want to help young people. It’s part of “giving back” and sharing our accrued knowledge.

If you are asked to be a mentor, keep these things in mind:

·        Accept if someone asks you to be a mentor! It’s a real honor to be asked and if at all possible, accept. Why would you want to spend time with younger people when you (maybe) had to learn on your own? For one reason: you’ve got wisdom and you should share it. Someone once told me that she wanted to mentor other younger people because she didn’t want to leave anything on the table.

·        Always be honest with your person (aka “mentee”).  Someone has asked you to be a mentor because they respect you or your experience. Make sure to respect them in-kind by being honest. Honesty, however, should always be coupled with kindness.

·        Be compassionate. At the core of most of us is a kernel of insecurity. Your job as a mentor is to help young people look into themselves with courage. The goal of mentorship is to help mentees self-govern from a position of authenticity, not fear.  

I’m currently mentoring a few younger people and I get a great deal of fulfillment from these interactions. Truly. The cross-generational relationship is as gratifying and heartwarming as it gets.

I hope in the New Year more people commit to either being a mentor or to getting mentored. I think if this happens we will all feel much richer and less lonely in 2017.

About the author: Recognized by LinkedIn as a "Top Voice" in Health Care in 2015 & 2016, author Julie Kliger is passionate about improving health care. She is a consultant, author and speaker. She specializes in healthcare quality, organizational change and improvement.