"What is not yours is not yours"- Helen Oyeyemi

First published in 2016, "What Is Not Yours Is Not Your"s is a collection of nine short stories written by Nigerian-born author Helen Oyeyemi. Fusing fiction with fantasy and fairytale, and the past with the present, Oyeyemi explores the human condition through vignettes that are connected by the literal and figurative motif of locks and keys. But in life we come across many such situations when we start feeling that things we feel are ours are not ours at all. When we explore this thought process further we start realising that life is truly strange. This thought brings me to another story. It’s an idea that has been around for thousands of years, in many different forms but all of them boil down to the same ideas: realizing that you can’t control other people/things and nonattachment. Even life itself yours to borrow.

“She’s not yours, it’s just your turn” speaks to the fact that a girl you’re in a relationship is her own person and it can end at any moment. This helps to alleviate two main issues. 1 - Less expectations for what things should be. Enjoy who she is, or don’t. Either way, life goes on. 2 - Staying present. If life is finite, you’re relationship sure as hell is too. If things work out for the long haul, it’s a bonus. Be a good person and enjoy the time you do have, else you’ll end up cutting even the most wonderful relationships short

It’s about true love, and how when in a relationship one can often give themselves to the other. I think it’s about keeping her freedom although he has given his to her. She has not submitted her mind, body and soul to the person who loves her so intensely. She is her own person; independent. She describes her emotions upon not being so in love that she knits and entangles her entire life around that one person. In the second line of the poem “ Not lost, although I long to be Lost as a candle lit at noon,

Long lost as a snowflake in the sea.” she explains that she does not belong to him although she wishes to. She want to fall so madly in love that she gives her entire being to him. Just like when a snowflake would fall into the sea, the flake would vanish and would not be seen. This is the love she desire, to be so lost she cannot be seen. I am not yours this poem clearly shows theory is longing for a love so strong that would leave her “deaf and blind”.

She is here saying that she longs to be lost in her lover like a snowflake is lost in the sea, She wants to be lost as a candle lit at noon(The light of the candle lit at noon has no meaning).That is the way she yearns to be lost in her lover..but unfortunately she is not his to be lost in. It’s an idea that has been around for thousands of years, in many different forms but all of them boil down to the same ideas: realizing that you can’t control other people/things and nonattachment. Even life itself yours to borrow.

“She’s not yours, it’s just your turn” speaks to the fact that a girl you’re in a relationship is her own person and it can end at any moment. This helps to alleviate two main issues. 1 - Less expectations for what things should be. Enjoy who she is, or don’t. Either way, life goes on. Staying in present. If life is finite, you’re relationship sure as hell is too. If things work out for the long haul, it’s a bonus. Be a good person and enjoy the time you do have, else you’ll end up cutting even the most wonderful relationships short.

Men are seen as disposable in the western world, Women now more than ever before and more now than Men have ever been are highly promiscuous, To a modern western Woman a Man is just a momentary distraction, Thrown away in a heartbeat and forgotten twice as fast. I’m certain some will take offence because it’s not convenient to accept how truthful it is. “ she’s not yours” she’s not an object to be owned or possessed and along with that you don’t have any ability to control woman’s actions or behaviours. “ just your turn” live in the moment enjoy your time with her but know she can just up and move on to the next person whenever she pleases and that’s ok. Don’t be mad or bitter just move on yourself. That’s how I see it anyway. Cheers!