What are your self-care requirements?

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"Overwhelmed, stressed and stretched too thin."

That was how my client Kay described her?situation three months ago, when she came to me for help.

She was run ragged and tired to her bones.

“I just don’t seem to have time to breathe”,?she told me. “There are never enough hours in the day, and I feel like I career from one responsibility to the next. I’m barely fulfilling my obligations and I’m struggling to stay afloat.”

Kay was juggling a big job, being a mum and running half a household, while trying to be a good partner, friend and family member.

As she wearily told me about her jam-packed days, I asked her an important question.

What are your self-care requirements?

What do you need, not just to function, but to become the best, strongest and most feel-good version of yourself?

As often happens when I ask this question, I was met with silence!

Kay had never given much thought to her own needs as she ran through her days trying to deliver for everyone else.

Then after a long pause, she responded with a push-back, which is incredibly common for anyone who faces commitments at every turn.

“I don’t have time to think about me”, she said. “There’s no window for my own requirements.”

Now at this point, I ask my clients to humour me.

So I asked Kay to put aside her reality for a moment and tell me about her true needs regardless.

To help her articulate her wants, I questioned her on a number of different topics.

We covered sleep, a morning routine, nutrition, exercise, fun, media, boundaries and an evening routine.

The result of this was two-fold.

Firstly, Kay was surprised.

She’d never allowed herself to give proper thought to her own requirements before, and it made her realise things about herself that she hadn’t previously registered.

Secondly, Kay was intrigued, because the items on her list weren’t massive, time-consuming things.

Most of them could be achieved with small adjustments.

I suggested to Kay that these tiny things had the power to make a big difference to how she felt, and to that point, I set her a challenge.

I asked her to start with one small thing on her list and implement it, gradually making additional changes as she built momentum.

So over time, this is what Kay did:

First, she deliberately went to bed an hour earlier, and she spent 30 of those minutes delightedly listening to Matthew McConaughey reading sleep meditations and stories on the Calm app (which in her words: “Is a total guilty pleasure!”)

Then she created a new morning routine, having breakfast with her partner alone before the kids descended.

Next she stopped watching true crime dramas on TV before bedtime.

And then she started consciously choosing?more relaxing and uplifting content to read, watch and listen to generally.

After that she deliberately took ten quiet minutes for herself once?she'd finished work, before joining her family for the evening.

She made plans with her friends for a spa weekend away.

She started noticing what foods made her feel energised and well, and which left her sluggish and bloated, and traded things in and out as part of her weekly shop.

And then she swapped her online Crossfit class for feel-good Pilates sessions.

The result of these small changes for Kay was exponential.

With every tiny upgrade she made, she felt more and more relaxed and in control.

She reported feeling calm and centred in a way she hadn’t felt for years, despite the fact that the amount on her plate hadn't changed.

So if, like Kay did, you feel overwhelmed, stressed and stretched too thin, try this.

Take a look at the prompts below and have a go at articulating your own self-care requirements:

• Sleep - In order to feel your absolute best, what do you require? 7 hours a night? 8 hours? More? Could you change what time you go to bed to fulfil your sleep needs?
• Morning routine - What would start the day off in the most feel-good way? Could you change or create a breakfast routine? Could you take five minutes to fill in a gratitude journal? Could you listen to funny or uplifting video, podcast or music clips rather than the news to see you into your day
• Boundaries – Consider what small boundaries you could put in place to minimise interruptions while you’re working; give you time to decompress at the end of your work day; and put parameters around time and activities that are important to you personally.
• Fun – What things could you plan or indulge in that feel like fun to you? Is there anything you could add as part of your weekly routine? Or any one-off things you could book? Think about activities, time with friends or family, or time out that you'd love to take for yourself.
• Media – Consider what kind of content (TV, radio, podcasts, blogs, newsletters, books, social media, etc) leaves you feeling uplifted, positive and inspired, versus stressed, negative or discomfited. Then consciously treat yourself to more of the good stuff.
• Nutrition - What are your nutritional requirements? What kinds of foods keep you powered up, energised and feeling your best? Can you add these things to your weekly shopping list or try new recipes that incorporate them?
• Exercise/Movement - What needs to happen in order for you to physically feel your best? Note: this doesn’t necessarily mean gruelling circuits training, unless that feels great to you.?It could mean walking in the sunshine, gentle yoga, or whatever your body requires.?
• Evening routine - What kind of evening routine will help you wrap up your day on a positive, relaxing note? A bath before bed? 30 minutes of reading? A feel-good film or TV show? A night-time meditation?

Once you have your own list of requirements, challenge yourself to implement just one of them.

Pick the smallest, easiest thing to start with, and do it repeatedly for a week.

Notice over those seven days how it makes you feel, and revel in the fact that you are doing something for you, however small.

Then when you've got into a rhythm with it, implement another.

You might just be amazed at the combined impact of bitesize adjustments.

And before you know it, you'll feel like Kay does now: happier, more rested, and less ruffled by the demands of a continually busy lifestyle.

Alison x

P.S. If you're struggling with overwhelm and you'd like some help restoring balance, book a free consultation call with me to explore working together :)